Verse: You used to stay up with her all night
Talking about all of the things going on in her life
She'd tell you all of her worries and plans and dreams
But lately it seems you're not the one she needs
Verse: You should've known it would come to this
There's only so much a woman like her will put up with
Your running around finally caught up with her
She's done making you the center of her world
Chorus: She don't need you anymore
You're not the one she's reaching for
When she turns out the light
You hurt her one too many times
Now she's found someone new
To treat her the way a man's supposed to
She's got a new love by her side
She don't need you anymore
Verse: If I were you I'd leave her alone
The last thing she needs is you begging her to come back home
It's easy to see you're not the right guy for her
You've already hurt her more than she deserves
(repeat chorus)
Bridge: I know you're still in love with her
But things will never be the way they were
'Cause she's in love with me
And you're only a distant memory
(repeat chorus)
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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nice, love the chorus and this part of the bridge- 'Cause she's in love with me
And you're only a distant memory.
nice job and thanks for entering -
omg this is a really sad song, i can feel the pain as i am reading this, i can somewhat relate to this (with the sexes in reverse) it's fabulous, it really hit close to home, best of luck in the contest
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I really like what I have read here. The lyrics are maybe a bit clichéd, but that's exactly what a song needs to fall in the taste of the public.
I wish I could 'hear' this as well to be honest, but that's okey.
Thank you for entering the contest!
Leander -
for some reason I can not get into country music. When I was younger I liked it- I think. Anyhow, you say all of this but there is not alot of substance. You say there is a lot going in her life. Well, why do you not share this with us. Making it much more personal would make it better for the reader. Nevertheless, it seems to be a good song. I am not expert in that field but it seems very somber but not sad. I guess it reads almost like a country song. Anyways, good job, keep writing.
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I too love country music as well as many other types also, and this poem would make a good country song, it has the feel, just needs a tune. That you could do soon, and woo a country DJ to play your new song. So long now till next time and thanks for the comment on my poem.
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Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful poem, I could hear the song in my head as I read. You did a wonderful job writing out the instructions and the music. Keep writing!
Jeff.
You hurt her one to many times -->
You hurt her one too many times -
your a really great song writer. this was strong I love how you made it where the man comes runnin back this is something im glad i read exspecially in my current state well done
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this is quite impressive, yeah something i can defiantly relate! this is exactly how a song should be like, more complex verse, more simple chorus. Your created a lot of imagery and it flowed so well. well done
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You have a true talent, poet. Or should I call you songbird?
Thank you for sharing your work!
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Yes, just needs a sweet, tender, country style twang to set it off. And, the lyrics are top of the chart stuff. You do have a way with painting a picture in your work.
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very nice
very nice, i realy like it. but with out sounding picking why does this song sound like one i've heard before.now i'm not pointing fingers , or picking.i do love the song and i love all your titles and little bits of veruses.i'm book marking you as a favorite.as i said before i too love to sing.great job.Brenda-Bee gee
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Right on! Great country song! I particularly like the twist in the bridge (heehee). Terrific job!
Sheryl
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Time always seems to bring out someone's true colors, doesn't it? It definitely looks like a good thing that this girl was able to see past the disguise that he was wearing through the relationship. Nice lyrics...from one lyricist to another!
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Quite a good write. It's not easy to know what the music will be and as I'm not musical, --? I like it anyway. It has that sad note that seems to be in a lot of C&W songs.
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Not a bad write a little wordy in places but with contemporary country songs that's acceptable. If you look at some of the writers from the forties through the sixties you'll find their rhymes were tighter and the shorter in length. But then who am I to judge I'm new to lyric compostion. Stick with it time will cure your ills. Happy trails
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Nice sad love song and lyrics! Keep writing dear, we need lyricists and song writers! It has a good rhythm of words and flow...Now to get a tune...Good write!
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ah hah, the usual theme for a song that is ages old, ad never seems to grow old, or never loose its touch.
It will always find relevance, for things never really change. Nice job with this one, as both a poem and a lyric, it makes a pretty ballad. -
Did you just write a song, poem or what? lol.
It was nicely done and the words carried deep feelings. Thank you so much.
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Yea, that was meant to be a song, but I figured that lyrics are a type of poetry so it would be ok to post it. Thank you so much for the wonderful comment!
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