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Fashion's Fabrication

Muscle spasms breathe
between squinted lines
and I dare plead
for scissors
to fall in ditches
paved with gravel
slicing up knees;
 
          set me free.

This asphyxia
grasps more than rights
shapes forced through
stitches,
let's color me crimson
in a despair to recover.

Snitch snatch
and spruce flesh bound;

I can't understand meanings
where sponges suck straws
never knowing the true quantity.

I beg pardons
excuse errors
that seem to be stuck
like price tags to my ass.

No, I didn't know
living was a mirror reflection
of how one looks
singing saturated slacks
that the devil produced
to tease masturbation
and how we all
"fit"
within society.

As I hope
a blister can find purpose
and produce from your sweating
and constant cry of

         Will this make me look fat?

Author notes

prompt: jeans

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • notorious
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The title makes me think of Fashion's Facade ...'fabrication' seems kind of artificial in this context.

    "Muscle spasms breathe
    between squinted lines
    and I dare plead
    for scissors
    to fall in ditches
    paved with gravel
    slicing up knees;

    set me free."
    Wow. That is such intense imagery & so dark...I love "muscle spasms" & "squinted lines".

    "This asphyxia"
    Is it just me, or is 'asphyxia' like your favorite word in the world? LoL

    "grasps more than rights
    shapes forced through
    stitches,"
    I love that.

    "let's color me crimson
    in a despair to recover."
    These 2 lines struck me as extreme cliche.

    "Snitch snatch"
    How fun! Well, not in this context, but yeah.

    "I can't understand meanings
    where sponges suck straws
    never knowing the true quantity."
    I think the word 'knowing' is awkward in that line, but that may just be me. However, I like how self-aware this is.

    "I beg pardons
    excuse errors
    that seem to be stuck
    like price tags to my ass."
    LOVE the simile. 'ass' is a great word.

    "No, I didn't know
    living was a mirror reflection
    of how one looks
    singing saturated slacks
    that the devil produced
    to tease masturbation
    and how we all "fit"
    within society."
    The quotation marks for 'fit' work nicely..."mirror reflection" feels redundant. "singing saturated slacks"...hmm, I don't really like this alliteration, but I'm very picky about my alliteration, so meh...

    "As I hope
    a blister can find purpose"
    LOVE THAT. Something so disgusting trying to find purpose...Awesome & metaphorical.

    "and produce from your sweating
    and constant cry of

    Will this make me look fat?"
    I've never asked that question in my life--it's so stereotypical. But yes, on TV & in real life, some people do ask that.

    Wicked write...tell me if you make any edits. You probably won't.

    Good luck


  • Lj-
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I like this. Sort of harsh.
    I enjoyed the touches of alliteration.

    Good luck!


  • And Hyetal
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'where sponges suck straws
    never knowing the true quantity.'

    ugh, how do you write this kind of stuff? I'm jealous.



    ~Cassie


  • PerVirtuous
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very deep for a poem on jeans. I think it is just the right "fit". Good luck in the contest.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh I think that you diod well with this sweety goodluck in her contest best wishes and much love always


  • Cannonsfire
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very clever for the prompt 'jeans' and how many of us say that last line and still get the same answer whether it's true or not! Good job sissy. Love, C

1 - 10 of 10