Freed from familiar,
carried upon the breeze.
Past silver streams
and flushed cherry trees.
Blowballs branching out,
searching for habitation.
Upon indulgent currents,
that tickle in flirtation.
Old magics hidden deep,
lost to bygone days.
Towards good health,
we received highest praise.
Now prevailing beliefs,
sees only infestation.
Drenched in herbicide,
to the deepest foundations.
There is one remaining,
whom we still appease.
An open armed welcome,
from the keeper of bees.
Author notes
POW
Theme - A dandelion's thoughts...as such.
Blowballs - The downy seed head of a dandelion.
Apiarist - Bee keepers.
I haven't written anything in a long time and no idea where this came from! But got the thoughts so went with them. Dandelion's are viewed by most as weeds, yet bee keepers actually like them and use them with honey. In history they were thought to be very good at curing illness, such as liver disease, cancer and even aiding weight loss. Amazing what you can find out with just a single thought..lol.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 25, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Thought
First I thought it was dry leaf, but with flushed cherry trees the true beauty of the picture began to develop.
Nature is sweet and with insecticides and excess use of NPK we destroy the soil too.
God alone knows what will happen in future. Usage of urea in India is very High.
I wonderful poem to see the water streams, cherry laden trees and the floating dandelion flakes.
Congrats
How lovely fr from this mad erotica world of hype and Brands.
Lol
When in Rome do as Rome does and never back out is what I learn.
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you know you are one of the best of the written word, i know someone else in this contest, so it was hard to know who to root for, keep it flowing and congrads on the contest
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As a research medical herbalist I have to say a huge bravo to you for this penned perfection! Fabulous dedicational piece to the curative dandelion and the roots being the most powerful as is making tinctures with it. Fabulous rhyme and flow too, great wi
As a research medical herbalist I have to say a huge bravo to you for this penned perfection! Fabulous dedicational piece to the curative dandelion and the roots being the most powerful as is making tinctures with it.
Fabulous rhyme and flow too, great wild flowery ambiance you can sense and feel the dandelions so realisitically thanks to brill graphics.
Phenomenal! Love it, write on!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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WOW MOMMY!!!!! this is absolutely beautiful, a wonderful poem that you have written. I never knew that they were more than weeds. amazing the things that we learn huh? and how and where.. this is a brilliant write.
Congratulations on the Bronze Trophy.. wOOt!!!!!
I love you
kat
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Thanks sweetie, pleased you liked it
ILY xxxxx
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Had to see what you won...congrats on the Bronze cup!!!
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Hi Pink,
My apologies for the late review...
It's so good to see an entry from you this week, and this ended up being one of my favorites. Congrats on the bronze!
I loved the calm flow of the poem, leaving a very peaceful feeling in its wake. I'm actually reminded a bit of a few years back when my dad made dandelion wine...I remember being absolutely heartbroken as a child when I learned dandelions were "weeds" instead of flowers, so I found a certain poetic justice later in life to learn of their many uses....even if the wine tasted horrible...IMO.
As for the rest of the poem...the only thing I wondered about was using "magic's" in S3. When I first read it I thought it was showing posession...realized it would be grammatically incorrect if that were the case...finally realized it must be short for "magic is". Better IMo to write it out that way than use the apostrophe "s"...but that's just MO...and an issue barely worth mentioning in the big picture of things. You've done a fantastic job with this, as proven by that shiny trophy.
I hope you'll be joining us more often; it was great to see you here again.
Best wishes,
~J. -
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Hey, thanks for the comment Magics hasn't worked the way I wanted it to I was trying to get across how many there are, multiple magic so to speak I get so lost with possessive stuff
I will think of a way round it
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LOL That was my third thought, that maybe you meant it to be plural, I just didn't mention that one. Just lose the apostrophe and it should be good to go. I can't say what the plural of "magic" really is...probably one of those words that can be either (like "deer" or "haiku")...but putting an "s" on the end would work for me and most others I would think...and I did find a spot on Google that lists "black magics", "card magics", and "modern magics" etc. If Google can use it, I say you should be able to also.
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Coolio thanks hun...I wondered if I should loose it the first time someone mentioned it...I should go back to school
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Congrats on the bronze hun, a wonderful entry Hugs, Bunny
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Nice job!! Congrats on the Bronze!
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congrats you! id never be able to get a 10 in these contests heh but anyway this is great hun your flow was just wonderful! love you my twinny!
kitty xxx -
An excellent write and one that was wonderfully written with impact, focus and emotion. Good work, here are my scores:
Title 9.8...I would click on this Title... very tantalizing title.
Flow 9.85....meter is great....good rhyme.
Depth 9.75....wonderful depth, but I think you could have gone a little further since you didn't use the maximum lines allowed. There was still room to grow.
Theme 9.85..great Theme... unique, and your take on it was quite captivating.
Feelings 9.70...wonderful.. very wistful feeling here.
Grammar 9.7....quite good.., nice use of rhyme but your word choices limited you a little so the phrasing was not as unique as it could have been.
Presentation 9.80....great, smooth and even.
Uncommonness 9.8 ...well not a theme I have seen used often, great creativity here.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7... this made me sit and ponder, lovely.
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect
Cupcrazy's Score: 97.95
Very Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~ -
I really like the underlying theme to this one: a weed to humans is a flower to bees. awesome thought. there are some really nice lines and whole stanzas in here that I could easily memorize just reading it a few times because it flows so freely. the first two stanzas are... absolutely amazing. great job! though I think the ending is lacking, I wanted a brilliant ending stanza to go with the rest of it.
Theme - 9.8... I love it.
Flow - 10... flawless.
Title - 10... best title I've seen so far.
Rules - 10.. perfect.
Depth - 9.8... nice depth.
Thoughts - 9.8 some refreshing thinking.
Word use - 10... excellent, especially in the first two stanzas.
Emotion - 9.5.... a hint of emotion.
Clarity - 9.5... your message is hidden in the poem too deeply IMO.
Uniqueness - 9.6.
total - 98
great score!
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Hi there I really enjoyed this read there is nothing that I can say that the other judges have not said I loved the title the flow to me it was perfect and my score will appear at the close of the contest much love
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Hi - nice to see you again
I would click on this title - just to see what it was about....and also because it reads smoothly and sounds interesting.
Your theme is not one I've seen before, and you were very creative with it. I know a lot of people still swear by the dandelion tonics in the spring (dandelion wine - now that's another story...lolol)
Great wording and images. For me, the flow would be much smoother without the periods and caps in each verse....that stops the smooth reading of this, and also the blended thoughts that I felt should naturally occur. But that is my personal taste only, and does not reflect on your write.
On a personal level, this will score nicely. I truly enjoyed it.
A lovely entry. Best wishes in the contest
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
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Hi, and welcome to the POW!
I love this write! I'm well aware of the 'medicinal'
nature of dandelions; my grandmother swore by them!
I can remember picking dandelion greens in the blazing
sun, under her careful supervision. And what child
hasn't gathered the 'blowballs' and sent all the
'fairies' dancing with a gentle breath!
Nicely formed and worded write. Love "flushed cherry
trees", and "tickling flirtation".
In the format section, just a couple of suggestions,
mostly cosmetic, and not really a huge impact on the
worthiness of the write.
I would change the period after breeze to a comma
in the first stanza, and make that all one beautifully
flowing sentence.
Same thing in the second stanza. Change the period
after habitation to a comma.
In stanza three, changing 'good' to 'improved' or
'better', would improve the flow.
I enjoyed this write. It told a story, but in poetic
form. Well done, IMO
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you
in the contest.
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Hi Pink!
Lovely write this week....love your personification with your subject ~
The visions you have painted are most beautiful and yet, engaging to see what happens.....leaves the Reader, ( me ) with curiosity from each line....actually did not want this to end :(
Format is ok.....rhyme is superb.....my board will let you know a tad more of how I felt about your entry ~
**Now prevailing beliefs,
sees only infestation.
Drenched in herbicide,
to the deepest foundations.
There is one remaining,
whom we still appease.
An open armed welcome,
from the keeper of bees. **Loving it!
Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would click on this Title....curious -
Flow 9.95....meter is basically perfect -
Depth 9.7....good depth....wanted more..25 line Max is not used
-Theme 9.85..good Theme...your approach is superb...enlightening, whimsical -
Feelings 9.85...nice job..personification is to the max..just wanted more...( 5 more lines please....hehe) -
Grammar 9.8....nice job...your grammatical choices enhance this write -
Presentation 9.9....not really a fan of all quatrains...I say this in every POW Contest :( -
Uncommonness 9.85...nice..but still looking for more creativity from that quill of yours -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.7
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Thank you for the wonderful comment and score Was a fun piece to write and nice to step out of the dark again Here you are, few more lines, just for you
So the journey continues,
Until received with pleasure.
Into a glorious kingdom,
where I can thrive in leisure.
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This held a magic...Memories of a garden alive with the gentle hum of Bees. Nature's gardeners working their magic Good luck in the contest
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Well done on this one. I love how abstract your thought prompt is, and the research you've done on it. Powerful lines about herbicide... so true. It's all wrong how we mistreat the countryside these days. Love the flushed cherry trees and the open armed welcome.
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How fabulous!!! It definitely captures what I can imagine would be a dandelion's thoughts!!
How many see it as worthless and ugly.. yet it holds a lot of benefit!! I had heard they were good at curing different illness as I used to drink danelion tea to help with liver function! Didn't know they were of benefit to bee keepers and honey tho! Yay for them!!!
Awesome poem hunny and very unique!!
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Bravo!
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Has such a smooooth rhythm ... like the float of one of those puff dandelion seed clusters.
Love the uniqueness in some of your word rhymes ... clever. yes.
Interesting history behind the dandelion. Think a tea used to be made from them ... but also are used in salads.
Beautiful poem!
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Do you have to say which theme you chose?
*puzzled*
That contest is both straightforward & confusing--I'm scared to enter!
LMAO
"Freed from familiar,
carried upon the breeze."<--I don't think you need a period here. The 'past' in the next line seems to imply it's the same thought/line going on, right???
Past silver streams<--so I think the 'p' here should be lowercase & that period before should be OUSTED.
Or...don't use periods at all.
and flushed cherry trees.
'habitation' & 'flirtation' is a clever rhyme amiga.
Old magic's hidden deep,<--"Old magic" would suffice. Why do you need a possessive form??
Now prevailing beliefs,
sees only infestation.<--this line was unclear to me. I think 'sees' should be replaced with another word??
Drenched in herbicide,<--'herbicide', wow, amazing word!!!
to the deepest foundations.
"There is one remaining,
whom we still appease.
An open armed welcome,
from the keeper of bees."
'appease' & 'bees'...wow, unique choice of rhyme, and this is very intriguing.
Good luck
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