The Eligible Bachelor

I’m 42, white, and smoke if I can find a lit butt,
Was hit by a train some time ago so now I’m a legal nut,

Was married once but the bitch turned me into a permanent windsock,
She chucked me out on my arse and changed out all the locks,

Left my black overcoat on the lawn, along with my flannel shirt,
So now I wander the city streets looking like a flasher pervert,

I keep all my junk I find in a three wheeled shopping trolley,
The most prized possesion being a used and discarded blow-up dolly,

I have no money, drink like the dickens, and haven’t showered I think in weeks,
Have long hair and beard, toothpick thin, an embarrassing physique,

I’m writing this add in the hopes I can meet the girl of my dreams,
You must be rich and good looking, and I love to hear you scream.

I’ve done my best to paint myself in best possible light,
So when you finally meet me, some imagination will still excite,

I have no fixed address, to answer my plea, meet me at the park bench,
It’s easy to find, just follow your nose down the path of eternal stench!