Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

insubstantia

 
 
 
 
 
a dangerous circle
this temporal storm
 
hours past
this movement
 
when desperation sought
to unwind,
fall free of the weight
that bends shoulder
blade
to ankle and heel
 
when Eureka peaked into clarity
and a bath seemed a suitable

irony
 
leading to thoughts of legs;
to shaving
 
to razors
to cuts

to cutting
to cutting away
away

myself away
and a cycle complete
 
that I should now
idle afraid

 

I shall not bathe this night
for who knew how cunning
a dark mind might be
 
by such truths revealed
by Heisenberg,
 
how by every act of observation
a thing observed too closely
 
is altered by that eye.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The only thing that I can critically say is that I would play around with the stanzas a bit -

    otherwise its a striking piece.


  • Malabu
    August 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    like a taylor...you have made this suit fit...
    not even a loose thread..
    mal

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a very lame and quiet


  • Randomly Beautiful
    August 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Again I have nothing to say but brilliant.


  • iverbthenoun
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    how by every act of observation
    a thing observed too closely

    is altered by that eye.
    phoenomenal! this has more substance than you know, you know?!
    the love how you showed suffering though the cycle. the more closely you look and perceive, the more expection you have and hence the hurt, the suffering...i love you, sister!!!


    • EvilKate
      August 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah - which was what this post was for me, a writing of it out. I've been using others as mirrors for some time, to help see myself from an external view. It's finally worked. I'm sick of me ... not in a 'woe-is-me' manner, just of the woe-is-me. Time to stop treading water and start moving on again. I've observed enough of all that. Love you too


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    and once that eye has altered it,
    the mind must follow suit it seems
    as if the small temptation
    becomes a quantum leap
    free falling into empty space
    to link the scattered chain
    unless we stop momentum
    from following the course
    which cannot be predicted so,
    although imagination plays
    and causes us to state
    it is, and so must go.


1 - 7 of 7