When I was fifteen,
undiluted
and illegal,
I was poached
for ivory
and the moan
in my throat.
Men split me
like a grin;
misused my mouth --
this fluid
depository;
only swore truth
when their bones
collapsed between
my hips
and they groaned
through the whites
of their eyes.
I became
a modern Jesus:
nailed kneeling
and knitting
constonants
to a dress
of ribaldry --
I wore it well
regardless
of stubborn ribs
and busy feet.
At twenty
I abandoned
thick flesh
and my patio legs;
tried twisting wrists
but couldn't say
"fuck" when my
thighs kissed.
Author notes
First draft - I think I may need another stanza?
A contest entry
- Patron PIF by onerios13.
3500 points, ended September 17, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I don't know anymore!!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
ypu are magic brave bright and a treasure this hit home in my heart i know the men you mean who take avantage of the vunerable sadly to amit i fell for a young girl once legal but barley thought i was saving her from the deborture of others she wasnt the one who needed saving it was me and i honestly tried but 3 years of hell with her and that was some time back shes never tried to grasp the oppurtuniteis i offered her and i had to move on or i woulve died by my own hand you on the other hand have come out with this amazing postive healing by expresing you hurt and victimization with the pen god blessyou and all the victums out there iam a stonger purer man for my experiece and vow never to fall off my horse again.
-
I became
a modern Jesus:
nailed kneeling
and knitting
constonants
This had such a ripe bite to it...the imagery both original and gut-sticking like a sexy pot roast that makes its own juices creamy.
Delicious in every word.
-
erk!
um
uh
yah, okay
what was the question?
-
I definately dont think it needs another stanza
these are really hard hitting words Alice
the second stanza was an especially painful read...
I'm usually aversed to profanity in poetry because to be truthful its become a craze, and in some cases merely a device for attention seekers.
It was simply raw emotion here and I cant imagine the last stanza with differrently.
all the best
~Aj
-
~ Nicolette
-
Ouch.. this smacks of reality in an eye opening way.
I like that.
-
Oh my god. This is so great. I'm too tired to elaborate, but this just left my jaw wide open.
.
Meg~
`
-
I wore it well
regardless
of stubborn ribs
and busy feet.
i loved those lines allyce, and how you sort-of played off ribaldry
and knitting consonants was such a cool image. this is pure poetry. thanks so much for entering.
-
Dynamite!
This is why there is poetry. Not a wasted word, skin tight metaphors, too many memorable lines to mention.
Good luck in the contest.
-
You need add nothing. You have said everything -- and more. That you write of it is perhaps the strongest statement of all.
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse often find it difficult to write about their experience and then to do so in such a profound and touching way speaks to your strength as a person. While sexual abuse always results in profound changes in a person's self concept, many victims can define themselves only in terms of their trauma. Others, still very much changed, grow beyond that limitation, are able to incorporate their experience into their self concept and build a life beyond that trauma.
This poem is truly outstanding. You have put into it much of your emotional experience, but you have not let those emotions overcome your talent. The temptation is always there to turn it into a rant and it would have lost it's impact.
You may never know the good you do. Someone may read this and be inspired to deal with issues they have been afraid to deal with, or someone may read this and tell about what is happening to them.
Your demonstration of courage gives courage to others. In the U.S. about one in five girls is sexually abused, and about one in seven boys. About half of those cases are never reported -- so the actual number may actually be higher. My years working with sexual abuse survivors were the best and most rewarding.
Thank you for sharing this. You may have already helped someone.
Garrison
-
I found this creepy and generally disturbing. All the body imagery here makes the piece loud and yet, it keeps it held under wraps...Long enough where we can sense the hesitant nature of the words and the way we take advantage of others. I'm with marc here. No more stanza's...I think you have penned something honest and should leave it at that. I also don't see anything here that could be critiqued, nope...Punctuation, length, format, images...It's all strong. I'll be gone until the 30th, starting tomorrow (without computer access) so I'm glad I had the chance to stop by your poem wall now.
Good stuff Allyce.
;
-
Allyce . . . this needs absolutely nothing added . . . It is a raw indictment on the the cold cruelty of my own selfish sex . . . almost difficult for me to read, but oh so full of truth because I have heard their ignorant oinks in barrooms and on television screens . . .
Marc
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
