No sailors of the ocean, no soldiers or suitors,
we are women, frail, who take each other’s hands
and compliment a dress or a seemly fall of curls.
Our world, our queendom, heavy powder, wooden boards.
Lights up; bright beads and foppish lace
the restless audience, their rustling papers
their opera-glasses, programmes, purses.
We open our little corner of the world
to the iron sea of their watchful, patient eyes
We owe it all to father, who paid the shilling,
We owe it all to mother, who taught you to sing.
Yet they are groundlings, fools! A teeming swell of laughter
rises up – yet we are not a comedy.
No matter, darling.
When the curtain falls, we shall forget their debris;
a dropped glove, a ticket stub,
the ghost of a solemn tear.
Let the show go on!
My love, raise your glass,
with the two red marks stabbed like war paint on its rim.
Author notes
*POW CONTEST*
Themes: Love, secrecy and prejudice. More explicitly, the theatre, and the nature of its audience, compared to that of the general population for unconventional relationships.
I've been working on this for a while, and am hoping the message I wanted to get across is clear.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 25, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hi there, and welcome to the PO contests!
My apologies for the late comment, but it does give me the opportunity to congratulate you on the silver trophy. So...congrats!
I found this very compelling, and the imagery really wonderful. Each time I've read it I've found more to appreciate. The only thing that tripped me up a tiny bit is the 3d stanza having "who taught you to sing." Who is "you"? I see Neon caught that also...I'd have to agree changing "you" to "us" would be clearer, otherwise I feel there is information missing. But, it's a very minor thing in an otherwise wonderful poem...hopefully my scores spoke the rest, as there's not much here to "critique". Oh, and as to the question in your AN of whether or not the message you wanted to came across...I think I would have to have you tell me more about what that message is...before I could tell you if it matches my interpretation.
Great job, and hope to see you join us again!
Best wishes,
~J. -
Congrats, this was my favorite piece, it is a beautiful poem and wonderfully written. Hugs, Bunny
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Well done!! Congrats on the Silver!
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This is great, the fourth and last stanza are both so powerful! it had me entranced.
Theme - 10... awesome!
Flow - 9.6.... not bad.
Title - 9.6... it suits the write.
Rules - 10.
Depth - 10... this goes deep.
Thoughts - 9.7... nice.
Word use - 9.6.
Emotion - 10.... wow, amazing emotion conveyed in this. especially in the ending, knocked me off my chair!
Clarity - 9.5.... not bad, could've been more clear with your message, but I liked digging into this one.
Uniqueness - 9.7... excellent.
total - 97.7
awesome score!
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This is a very beautiful piece filled with lovely imagery. I loved the theme and flow. Very poetic and a joy to read although I would have loved to have it left aligned as well, just a personal preference. My scores are as follows.
Title 9.8...I would click on this Title... very engaging.
Flow 9.95....meter is great....there were no places to stumble upon, it scanned and read smoothly.
Depth 9.95....excellent depth, very captivating read.
Theme 9.90..unique Theme... that just drew me in.
Feelings 9.85...great, this had a wistfulness to it that just seeped into ones conscious,and yet it held power a quiet strength.
Grammar 9.8....quite good.., with many a lovely turn of phrase.
Presentation 9.85....great, smooth and even.
Uncommonness 9.8 ...well it is not an overused theme, so very creative here.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.9... well this scored good in this department for me, because there was really a lot to ponder over, it was compelling and made me delve deeper beyond the words.
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect
Cupcrazy's Score: 98.8
Excellent!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~ -
Hi there and welcome I did like this piece I am a fan of left align to me it just looks better I have nothing really to say that the others judges ahve not said I like this piece it will score highly with me. My score will be sent in at the end of the contest
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Hi - I don't think I've seen you come through here before....welcome.
Your title isn't one I'd click on, which would be a shame as this was an enjoyable read. But your title is the first thing someone is going to see - if it does not catch their attention, they will not click it and read....
I've not seen this theme before, and I feel you were very creative with it. The center alignment did not bother me - it still read nicely.
You've done a great job with the wording and images in this. Great descriptions to let the reader 'see' - very well done!
A most enjoyable entry. Best wishes in the contest
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
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Hi, and welcome to the POW!
I feel like I have fallen headlong into a Jane Austin
novel! A very clever write. Before reading your AN, I
thought this was a treatise on how regency ladies needs
must always be "on stage", never revealing their true
selves.
In your third stanza you have changed your tenses un-
expectedly. I would suggest changing 'you' to 'us' in
line four of that stanza.
Over all, I found this to be well formed, enjoyable,
and entertaining.
I truly enjoyed this view into the secret lives of
gentlewomen, or the public lives of players.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you
in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Hello :)
First impression....left-align this for bettter Flow......for me :)
No sailors of the ocean, no soldiers or suitors,
we are women, frail, who take each other’s hands
and compliment a dress or a seemly fall of curls.
Our world, our queendom, heavy powder, wooden boards.
Lights up; bright beads and foppish lace
the restless audience, their rustling papers
their opera-glasses, programmes, purses.
We open our little corner of the world
to the iron sea of their watchful, patient eyes
We owe it all to father, who paid the shilling,
We owe it all to mother, who taught you to sing.
Yet they are groundlings, fools! A teeming swell of laughter
rises up – yet we are not a comedy.
No matter, darling.
When the curtain falls, we shall forget their debris;
a dropped glove, a ticket stub,
the ghost of a solemn tear.
Let the show go on!
My love, raise your glass,
with the two red marks stabbed like war paint on its rim.Ok........if anyone wants to know how to acheive that Poetic Voice....they should read this write from your most talented quill ~
The Show & Tell are breatakingly balanced throughout.....and my jaw did drop from the beauty ~
There are several other Judges coming behind me today...I am anxious to see what they think of this write....standing ovation in southern California!
I can not cover all areas of your write, so please be patient as we all make our way acoross your page :)
One note.......a weeeeee bit on the Prose' side of Tone.....however, the beauty grabbed me and did not let go...bravo!
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre -
Flow 9.95....meter is basically perfect....and sooo smooth -
Depth 9.9....good depth ....great personification with your subject -
Theme 10....great Theme -
Feelings 10...great job....watch out for that Tone of Poetic Beauty -
Grammar 9.9....nice job...grammatical choices left me speechless -
Presentation 9.5....not really a fan of middle-align ....hurts Flow.....for me -
Uncommonness 10...........excellent! -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.95...I still have goosebumps! -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 98.2
Excellent score!
No editing once a Jugde has touched your work ~
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I enjoyed seeing the audience through the actors/actresses eyes....Good luck in the contest
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Thanks very much!
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Very nice piece, the imagery is great! A powerful poem. You may want to add theme and POW to your An tho, as per rules An excellent read, thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest
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Oh, sorry! I got a bit over-zealous and forgot, I shall do that now.
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Yes, cleverly penned...
Nicely done, good poet, with all lines leading to taking a bow on the stage.
I especially like the last line, as it defines the participant nicely. 
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Thank you!
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