Humble offering
ripped naked from slumber,
scraped raw,
metal on flesh,
torn,
abused.
Cut,
dismembered segments
arranged amidst rainbow
profusion,
Chipped emotion
oozes,
Possibilities roasting
gently beside royalty,
jacket splits with pride,
resplendent,
bathed in gold,
souffle`d.
Author notes
POW
Subject: Humble homage to the "Spud"
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Excellent piece in which the metaphore is abundant.
Very well Structured & Versed---Well Done!
-
-
Lol.. I always had a sad sense of humor
Thank you for taking the time to read 
-
-
Hi there...It's good to see you in another PO contest!
Firstly...my apologies for the late comment...
I enjoyed reading this, but honestly had no clue it was about potatoes at first...I'm rather glad to see I'm not the only one who couldn't tell from the title.
It did catch my eye though, because I've gone camping and fishing on a lake by the same name. 
So...ummm....yeah. I was expecting something rather different! lol
I think it's hard to inject a lot of emotion into a subject like this unless you're using it as a metaphor, but there are other areas that could have made up for some of that...to me, this is just a wee too much on the "word economy" side of poetry to really dig into it with any great amount of lasting impression.
Very fun to read though, and definitely creative! Not much more I can think to say that my co-judges didn't cover...
Thanks so much for joining us again, and I hope you've been thinking of another unique subject to write on for the POM. Hope to see you there!
Best wishes,
~J.
-
-
Hello Thank you for your warm welcome I entered this *spud" rather as an after thought, so it was very "raw" A bit of fun really, but hopefully I will get my serious head on and enter something worthwhile next time
-
-
I like. I'll confess to seeing you out the back with a machete and the neighbours pet Labrador, and I was thinking I don't 'really' know you. However spuds in the kitchen and raging passion. Yes, I know that person well. --- Great (thank you)
-
-
Hahaha...thank you my friend, you really brought a chuckle Great to see you...have missed your criptic humor
-
-
This is an interesting write. very fun to read. I kind of like the erratic lines and thoughts, I think it suits this write. I don't really agree with some of the word choices. for example, when is a potato torn? but overall I really enjoyed this one.
Theme - 9.5... nice, I like potatoes.
Flow - 9.0... a little choppy.
Title - 9.2... meh, not very original.
Rules - 10.
Depth - 9.4... I would've liked to see you go more in-depth with this, especially what the potato would actually be feeling instead of just what's happening to it.
Thoughts - 9.6... some nice lines in here.
Word use - 9.4.... not bad, don't like some though.
Emotion - 8.8.... no emotion. I would've loved to know what the potato is feeling as it goes through this ordeal.
Clarity - 10... good.
Uniqueness - 9.2... not that unique.
total - 94.1
not bad. hope to see you again.
-
Title 9.5...I would click on this Title... if only for the the intriguing thought of what could you possibly write about a potato.
Flow 9.15....meter is very choppy.....short lines, no connective words, lends to a grocery list of sorts.
Depth 9.15....no depth, but it did make me laugh, lol.
Theme 9.85..unique Theme... who would have ever thought of a poem about a spud.
Feelings 9.00...terribly lacking... as a food it is quite tempting in its various forms as a poem it is not as edible.
Grammar 9.1....straight forward and simple.
Presentation 9.15....too many one word lines and the breaks are not so great.
Uncommonness 9.7 ...well it certainly isn't an overused theme, so great creativity here.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.0... the only thing I pondered was that you must have been hungry, lol. But again kudo's on the theme
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect
Cupcrazy's Score: 93.6
A little imagery and emotion maybe could salvage this one!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~ -
Hi and welcome I will have to say there is not much here for me to read but what I did read I did like I just wish that it was more of it there. I wish you much luck in the contest my score will be sen in with the final notes
-
Hi - nice to see you again
I would not click this title - mainly because I would not know what it meant!....lol.....then again, I might click it out of curiosity.
I think your theme is very unique, and you were very creative with it. I do, however, wish you have broken this up into 'verses' as I feel it would read much smoother.
Great wording and images. On personal appeal, this will score nicely.
An enjoyable entry. Best wishes in the contest
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
-
Hi, and welcome to the POW!
I'm laughing here! I can honestly say I have never
seen a spud poem before, nor have I ever heard of
a potato soufflé.
It's a cute concept, and you've presented it in an
amusing way, but I found this write a bit disjointed,
and the ending rather abrupt,with no real point having
been made.
If you are going to capitalize "Chipped" and "Possibilities", then you need periods,
not commas, before them. Also, lose the period in you title.
Pad this out a bit, and develope your concept; this
is a funny and enjoyable write.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you
in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Hi cutie!
Love your Theme...hehe.....but are you sure you read all of the Rules?
You did an excellent job on no Filler Words, and kept your Tone and Flow smooth....however, we have 86'd the Banned Words for a while
Also, as short as this is on info, etc, you may feel a slight hit in some areas of critique on my scoreboard....let's see shall we?
There are several Judges coming behind me....please be patient as well read your work ~
Good luck & God bless my friend,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not click on this Title, as it is *French* to me
-Flow 9.75....meter is basically perfect...yet short length made it choppy.....for me -
Depth 9.4....good depth..just wanted more.....much more -
Theme 9.85..great Theme..just wanted more -
Feelings 8.75...could not really relate....grammatical choices play a part here....for me -
Grammar 9.1....nice job.....reach deeper and give me more info on this cute little Theme -
Presentation 9.15...did not seeem as though there was any real format..sorta here & there -
Uncommonness 9.6...nice creativity....just not enough -
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.7.....sorry....not really any pondering going on in my head -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 93.3
Nice score......however, length is what brought scores down....IMHO ~
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
-
Lol...I love your comments. I have to say it was written off the cuff to make up numbers but that being said, I have a close affinity to the humble spud, chopped diced, mashed, souteed,roasted, royaled, fondant etc...hehehe. Next contest I will remove plum from mouth and be serious Keep up the good work
-
-
Well done.I love it.A truly interesting theme.a tribute to the humble spud.Where's the sour cream , Ros
-
Hehe what an awesome theme! Poor old spud doesn't get enough praise. Fabtastic read, good luck
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
