You were all about the wordplay;
and your contemporary ways of speaking
were like a fragrance to my brain.
You spoke in colors and butterflies
and every time you said ’I Love You'
my heart melted into your soul.
It was a combination of charismatic cadences
and a harmony between You and I .
We were perfectly meant [not] to be
and I was happy connecting the dots
until the picture didn’t end up the way I wanted it to.
I was reassured when you said the picture was upside down
The frown turned back into a smile
The heart reappeared on the page
And your soft sweet kiss brought me back into reality
[or maybe it was dreamland;
I was never able to tell the difference
while you were with me]
I was burning with love,
that smelled strongly of vanilla incense
sweet, pure and uncorrupted by darkness.
But you thought I was on fire
and when you poured water over my heart
love sizzled and burned out.
I was drowned in sorrow;
I left you.
When I wanted you back
you were gone
on a sailboat
in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle
from where you were never coming back.
I broke us
and worse,
I broke the chain that connected our hearts.
Author notes
option 2: wordbank
---
mesmerized--x
In a list
A contest entry
- For those very special people. [Check to see if you are invited. Points will go up]. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended September 9, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
The whole imagery about him thinking you were on fire and the part aboutn connecting dots that didn't make the picture you wanted were brilliant! I am really enjoying your work and will definitely be reaidng more!
"Masquerade" -
-
aww thanks
-
-
"I was drowned in sorrow;
I left you.
When I wanted you back
you were gone
on a sailboat
in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle
from where you were never coming back."
Those lines, they contain so much imaginary.I really liked this poem and enjoyed it. Every word spoke to me and was so deep. I liked the way you described your love life as a dotted picture and how when you finished it, it wasn't what you thought it would be.
Very creative!
Keep up writing like this.
-
-
thanks so much for the comment
-
-
[or maybe it was dreamland;
I was never able to tell the difference
while you were with me]
I love those lines.
This poem is totally beautiful and amazinggg.
The only thing is, with the double spacing you've used in some of the lines like (eg. were like a fragrance to my brain.) its not confusing exactly, but when I first saw it I thought it was a mistake. Maybe bolding the words would work better?
Either way, still brilliantly penned.
Best of luck in the contest.
♥ Jojo x sinnocence
-
-
lol late reply.. i thought i bolded them :S
maybe the double spacing was because i failed at bolding it haha.
thanks for the correction/comment
-
-
Oh wow, this is so beautiful and so sad. I love the way you've written it. The style is just perfect and so are all the little descriptions and details. I love them. This starts off so sweet and hopeful and the ending is just heartbreaking. I can really feel the emotions in this. I love reading your loverly writings
You're brilliant sweetie and you have so much talent. Amazing write and thanks so much for entering my contest.
♥
-
This just took my breath away...I relate so much to this write. All the feeling you gave in this write just flooded me... This was simply AMAZING!
-
This blew me away seriously it was AMAZING! I could feel every single word you wrote. Each tear, each smile. Your choice of words were flawless, they were like gentle music, just flowing along perfectly. I just feel all of it. I know it myself, I yet feel it for you too, because you've made me feel it. Beautiful and very much inspiring!
-
some truly wonderful simile's and
metaphors in this poem! one of my favs of many in this
poem:
or maybe it was dreamland;
I was never able to tell the difference
while you were with me]
you have a lot of poetic talent in your soul!
Keep up the writing and make sure and expand yourself
reading many varied writers on this site!
You have a definite writing talent!
ears/Seattle
-
-
thanks a lot for commenting
-
-
'We were perfectly meant [not] to be
and I was happy connecting the dots
until the picture didn’t end up the way I wanted it to.'
I love the connect the dots idea
but the first line is from one of my poems
love the last lines too
i love you
and i miss you emu.
<3 -
-
gaaah i thot it sounded familiar..
i can take it out ..once i think of another line..
i miss you tooo <3
-
-
amazing.
this is absolutely beautiful. i enjoyed every word put together on this poem. you never fail to amazed me. i especially loved this stanza -
I was burning with love,
that smelled strongly of vanilla incense
sweet, pure and uncorrupted by darkness.
But you thought I was on fire
and when you poured water over my heart
love sizzled and burned out.
it is breath takingly beautiful. i loved it so much. i hope you win the contest, you're very talented and good with words.
-
-
thanks sooo much
i wasnt so sure about that stanza so i really appreciate that someone likes it <3
thankyouu so much!
-
-
"It was a combination of charismatic cadences
and a harmony between You and I .
We were perfectly meant [not] to be
and I was happy connecting the dots
until the picture didn’t end up the way I wanted it to."
Woahh.
You are so amazing.
You better win.
Seriously.
Or I'm going to open a can of whoop ass.
♥
-Mary -
-
thanks soo much
you just my day :]
i love that stanza also hahaa
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
