Strangers barren- words
unknown, leaving partials
of steam-trailed memories;
and paraphrased lines going
without proposition
Photogenic boulevards wanting
nothing more than avenued crushes
Streamed-lined mobiles unearthed
beyond diorama’s atmosphere; perplexed
info structures in coerced betidings…
Transmission faltered amongst broken
linguistics, leaving mere
bilingual tapestries
“Knit one, pearl two”
…seams of blind-man’s bridge
Author notes
Let me know if got confused on some of the terms lol
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Theme: Contemporary Modern Abstract
Contest style: POW
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is intriguing and interesting. I read it several times and while I'm not sure I took away exactly what you intended, I did find a great deal to ponder. As a knitter I wondered if you meant to say "purl two" or if the reference to the gem was intentional. The only word that perplexed me was betidings, not because I do not know its meaning, but rather that I did not understand it in this context. A challenging poem, but well worth the read. Peace, Liz
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Hi there
It's nice to see you in the PO contests, as it's been a while since I've seen any of your work. This is, to me, very keeping in the abstract style I've seen you write before...so not surprisingly...I haven't the faintest clue what it means or what it's actually about.
BUT...that doesn't mean it's "bad" by any means...and in fact for something termed "abstract" I'd be surprised if it did make sense to most people. I guess...to me...abstract poetry is somewhat like abstract art...and asking what it "means" would be like asking an abstract artist like Mondrain (were he alive) what some of his paintings are "of". 
So where art looks at color, line, texture, etc. abstract poetry would utilize sound, emotion, flow, etc. And therein lies the beauty of this poem...your word choices and seemingly random bursts of imagery are wonderful, and (if I let myself forget about meaning) very enjoyable to read. I think it's a tough genre of poetry to appreciate for many, myself included, but I do see the artistry in it, and I hope others do as well. I guess my only "critique" is that I'd like to see a wee bit more play with the musicality of the words, and the imagery just a bit more concrete to help give it those high, emotion packed bursts of color. But...that's me. 
Oh, and this isn't to say there isn't a message somewhere within...but in all honesty, you'd have to tell me point-blank what it is, because I could not hazard a guess. 
Unfortunately, it does make this very difficult to score, as I'm sure you saw in many of the judge's scoresheets. For me, it scored low primarily on theme and imagery. Imagery as mentioned above, and theme because unless you are actually writing ABOUT "Contemporary Modern Abstract poetry" that is more like the "kind" of poetry it is than a theme, or underlying message. But again, that's just my perspective.
In any case, thanks so much for bringing this to the PO contests. It's a very different style than we are used to seeing, but as a judge I feel it's important to learn to appreciate all types and styles of writing. This was a challenge for me, but one I'm glad to have had.
I hope to see you back, perhaps in the POM coming soon.
Best wishes,
~J. -
interesting, creative and it read kind of like you are in a dream and thou it don't make sense right away, you get it after a bit. in the end. keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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wow, this had me reading it over and over again. you have amazing thoughts and word choices/strings in here. I think you could've been more clear. this write is rather vague and as a result your message/point may be lost inside it... and that's one thing you never want to do. remember that you're writing for an audience. but on face value this is a beautiful piece of poetry.
Theme - 9.6... nice I liked it.
Flow - 10... excellent flow!
Title - 9.8... I like it.
Rules - 10.
Depth - 10... this seems to go very deep, I could read it again and again.
Thoughts - 10... excellent thoughts, had me pondering and interested.
Word use - 10.... excellent.
Emotion - 9.5... not that much emotion/feeling.
Clarity - 9.3... this is really the only thing "wrong" with this write.
Uniqueness - 9.6... nice.
total - 97.8
good score!
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Well this was indeed abstract, but I found it to be rich in verbiage and imagery. The phrasing is wonderfully done and I really enjoyed the way it kind of just rolled along giving me many directions of which to ponder. Not a lot of people will get this write I fear though, so that certainly will impact your scoring. A great entry and one I enjoyed. My scores are as follows:
Title 9.7...I would click on this Title... it was very tantalizing.
Flow 9.65....meter is good....led to a smooth read.
Depth 9.85....nice depth, this got me thinking.
Theme 9.85..very nice Theme... Although the inner sanctum is not a new idea, this was quite engaging.
Feelings 9.75...good, could have been better but this had a kind of flashback feel to me, where one is accepting the emotion of the situation and digesting it. Almost like swallowing the bile rather than throwing it up, if that makes any sense.
Grammar 9.8....very nice use of words and line breaks.
Presentation 9.85....great, smooth and even.
Uncommonness 9.5 ...well it is not a unique theme, but your presentation of it was unique.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7... well this scored higher in this department for me, because there was really a lot to ponder over, it was abstract and left the reader enough room for multiple interpretations.
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect
Cupcrazy's Score: 97.65
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~ -
Hi and welcome I am like a few I really did not get this piece it was hard for me to follow and to understnad but I have seen writes like this before and they have thrown me off so it is more personal that I just could not get the feel for it which does not mean that it is a bad piece I just could not get into it. I wish you luck in the contest my score will appear with final notes.
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Hi - nice to see you here
Your title is a little 'vague' - not one I'm sure I'd click on.
Your theme isn't one I've seen before on here, and I feel you were creative with it....although, until I got to the AN's, I had no ideas what this was about.
I am not a fan of lines/thoughts that just end - and continue on the next line - as for me, this cuts way back on a smooth flow. But that is just my personal taste and does not reflect on how you write. I thought your wording was good - several really great images and phrases.
A nice entry. Best wishes in the contest.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks.
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Hi, and welcome to the POW!
Well, I don't know quite what to say. This is a case
where each line, and idea is quite lovely, but even
after several readings, I have no idea what the point
of this write is. Perhaps it is THAT abstract, beyond
comprehension...
Leaving that aside, I love your use of language (even
when I didn't understand some of it), and the fourth
stanza is truly beautiful to my mind.
I would like to see periods after "proposition",
"crushes" "tapestries", and "bridge". I know they are "assumed", but if the next word is capitalized, a period is required, IMO.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you
in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
The thing I enjoyed the most about this write....is your ability to become clear, yet not disclose everything about your thoughts....leaving the Reader a chance to absorb and ponder your word choices ~
You have several other Judges coming behind me, so I shall not be covering every little detail of your write.....let them have a chance
Some excellent phrases here.....however, it will not score too high in some areas I look at when critiquing....let's see, shall we?
Good luck and God bless Mistress Bear,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not want to click on this, unless I wanted to read about this Genre -
Flow 9.7..nice....punc's used at just the right places..abstract Tone did slow me down a hair -
Depth 9.5....good depth...wanted more info on a certain subject...more *Show*, than Tell -
Theme 9.45..abstract thought is hard to conquer in such a short write -
Feelings 9.1..watch out for loss of personification -
Grammar 9.85....nice job...wisely chosen -
Presentation 9.9...way to be creative with only Black & White to work with -
Uncommonness 9.6...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 95.9
God job
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Oh I do so love the ramblings of intelligent people
Good luck in the contest
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I have to say I got bit lost in the terminology.That's not to say that it isn't a brilliant poem but I really didn't understand it, Ros
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Wow! This is a beautiful piece. Some excellent phrasing, 'Photogenic boulevards' and 'Streamed-lined mobiles unearthed' to name but two. Nit one pearl one reminds me of when my mother tried to teach me knitting, not something that worked. A truly stunning poem, superbly written! Nit, should be knit maybe. All the best in the contest
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