She loves him.
She loves him with devotion and mushy ring-tones
and 'quality time.'
She loves him with promises of change
and pledges of a better tomorrow.
She loves the space he fills with his big in charge boots.
She loves him.
She loves him with raccoon eyes
and a voice hoarse from shouting.
She loves him with suffering, with separation from
everything and everyone she cares for.
She loves his ugly mouth as cockroaches stream
from selfish statements.
She loves him while his actions and his accusations
poke thousands of needle holes in her bleeding heart
and she floats from shore on a boat for hell, built for two.
"You really don't like him." She sags in the doorway.
"No, no I don't."
May the vows break.
Author notes
A woman I am very close to is newly married to a guy I loathe. He is extremely controlling, emotionally abusive, and he's way too hard on her kids.
She knows how I feel. She knows how everyone feels, but she's not going anywhere because.... she loves him. Oh, and the racoon eyes are mascara running and smearing not black eyes from being hit
A contest entry
- CONTESTS ARE AWESOME :D by sidereal.
525 points, ended September 6, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I think your story says it all and says it well. In the way of constructive criticism I shall offer what I can. I would remove the double-spacing. I know that when you cut & paste into AP, the spacing can do that. It can be fixed in edit once posted. In L4, perhaps change "of" to "to" so as to better indicate who was making the promises. When I first read it, I thought it was him, but on second read I think her. To me, L16 sounded a bit awkward. Perhaps changing "on a boat for hell" to "in a boat to hell". The last thing I can suggest may be the biggest. I would lose the last line. It doesn't make sense where it is and, as it is the title of the piece, the reader already gets the idea here--its impact has already been spent--and the "No, no" line carries enough punch to finish the poem. Other than that, I can offer no more. You've written a powerful piece. Well done!
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wow, i have to say that this is amazing, it reminds me of a place my sister was in a few years ago, so it really hit me deep, this is a fantastic poem, with a message for so many women need to understand
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She loves him... a very hard feeling to diminish for someone else. Her loving him may mean that she can see good in him in spite of his faults.
So many times a person acts out because of insecurities, feelings of failure or other reasons we canot see.
On the other hand, your last few lines put a different light on the situation.
Your poem is very well written and expresses the concern you have for your friend... but she's the one who will have to find the strength to do what she must do... walk away or endure this touch and go life.
A good job with this piece, very good
Dee
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I see that you have gotten many wonderful comments since you asked me to read this piece. I have not been online in a number of weeks since I was working on some projects at home. This write was very good and I thought you projected exactly what you were trying to communicate. It was heading in a direction that I believed it would go. As it rolled along to its conclusion the outcome was sad but inevitable. I always enjoying your writing but I have no been reading much. Perhaps I will be back in form soon. Great hearing from you. RC
. Rewarded 8
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Oh this is really got me... The lightness of the first stanza quickly descends into the pit of desperation created in the second stanza. I was captured, dear.
Probably because I've been there.
Well done.
. Rewarded 4
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WOW
She loves his ugly mouth as cockroaches stream
from selfish statements.
These are my favorite lines, although I loved it all, it is exactly were I am at and how I feel in my relationship. How it has lasted this long is beyond me, but anywho...great write and enjoyable and understandable read.mandie
She loves him while his actions and his accusations
poke thousands of needle holes in her bleeding heart
and she floats from shore on a boat for hell, built for two.
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Wonderful
the poem was wrote in a kind of plain, beautiful way, with the repeating statement of how she loves him (and I love the creativity of those statements 
). There was also and unplainness [not a word? 
] beauty with the words you chose to use. The theme in itself isn't unique or creative, but the way you write it is! ^-^ especially the end
. Rewarded 6
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Hello.
I think you have expressed yourself well, perhaps an extra comma or two would help at certain points, but there isn't much to be critical about in terms of what is written.
What I read from your write:
First of all, one has to acknowledge you are biased, and your hatred itself is a self fulfilling filtering mechanism which will only see the bad in the person. This means that he is being dehumanised. He may or may not be a monster, that I can not say, but I am not the type to wallow in my own ignorance of a situation, nor do I go on a biased stance from my own memories, finally, neither do I take the words of one person, no offence intended of course. I am not saying your hatred or dislike, whatever it is, is not justified in your eyes, for that is the only place it needs to be.
The dehumanisation creates a stance where the person is a monster, so his own emotions, thoughts and whatever are taken as not important or not existing. You could well be this lady's best friend, even then you will not see this other person like she does. That means a) that you will see him with all his flaws b ) You won't see any good that she sees c) whatever in between the two extremes.
What she sees in him may well be an amalgamation of the part only she sees (which lets be honest, men are not known for showing their soft caring sensitive side to absolutely everyone), as well as her own blind desire to see what she wants to see thus filtering the negative parts out, or a complete fabrication within her due to her own issues; things in between also existing as well.
The guy being hard on her kids, tricky, he did marry her knowing she had kids, so either he doesn't like them, or he does and he is just hard on kids full stop; can only get a clear view dependent on how he was brought up, what he thinks of how he was brought up, how he thinks kids should be brought up, and how he would treat his own.
Let's say the guy is as you say he is, for that I feel is only fair that all angles be seen, he is then, acting out of insecurity and fear. Grinding her down, eroding her self esteem she her value is coupled to her being with him. This means he has no self worth himself, and although it is hidden, he is as linked to keeping her as she is to him. If this continued on this presumption, then other extrapolations, I don't need to spell out. There is more but you get my gist on this. No offence is meant in my analysis of your write, but I do not take sides and give my truth, based on one write and all that entails.
I wish you well in the contest. My regards.
. Rewarded 8
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she loves him..wow ..its really good heartbreaking.
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I like this it reads well and can be felt for what it is. The comments give it life. It's really sad when people fall for something that isn't good for them. The only way to help them is to be a bully and that doesn't work at all. It's also hard when we have to weight up seeing them, they need our presence (available support) and yet they bring the problem with them. --- You always make me think (a good thing) Thank you.
. Rewarded 8
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A well written piece about a disturbing situation. Good job.
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Interesting that you should bring me here. This isn't dissimilar in some ways to something I have witnessed, to an extent, in the past.
My thoughts:
Her love is love but it's misappropriated.
it isn't him she loves but her own version, an image she projects from herself and associates with him.
Most likely believing that this is the best she has to make good with in her hunger for love and being loved.
No, it wont matter what anyone else says, it's for her to come to a discrimination between what she believes in and the person she associates with this as being two different things and not after all dependant on each other.
I would, as a friend, simply try to show her what kindness is.
Sol
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you for reading and commenting Sol. I was going nuts waiting for someone to comment. I guess sometimes you just have to break down and ask. LOL I will go read that write of yours now.
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horse should be hoarse
She loves his ugly mouth as cockroaches stream
from selfish statements.
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i loved that line! the imagery was amazing; and reading that i felt your emotional loathing for this man. and i really liked the alliteration in 'selfish statements'
She loves him while his actions and his accusations
poke thousands of needle holes in her bleeding heart
and she floats from shore on a boat for hell, built for two.
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i also really liked that part!
the imagery is amazing.
i really liked this write; however i didnt really enjoy the double spacing as it made it harder for me to read.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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Thunder,
I knew hoarse was spelled wrong but i didnt know the right way, thank you. I will consider single spacing too, I thought the double space made it look better. I am really glad you liked it otherwise.
Sarah
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