Strip out bonesflesh, blood and hair
pluck eyeballs
knock out teeth
finish tongue
no sign no name
I cannot be found
everywhere and nowhere.
Dig through what
affected far
in nothing yet all kicks
the life in ever changing
considerations
flown or scrambled
dread or love
the end of day
continuous in always
all that's ever been
before the giver, gift and given
where it is that we are found.
Author notes
i am already done
i am already gone
because i am...
hollow...
A contest entry
- Quickie-Prompts 10x100words-Reserve by Cannonsfire.
525 points, ended August 23, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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"Everywhere and nowhere...continuous in always...where it is that we are found". These phrases, for me, are the pinions holding it all together, giving the lift to the entire piece...surrender. You have a marvelous skill with the intangible Sol...just marvelous...thanks for this one. This feels like a precursor to 'The Dawning' somehow...as if you dug so deep you found...Truth...your truth that you have always known and the heart to make it visible...or is it just me?... . Peace to you, my brother. Rhonda
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Oh, I hadn't even got here yet and it's already got an honorable mention! Well done!!!
Wonderful write for the prompt and very good title too.
X
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All of this has the sound of nowhere, quite definitely, with that lack of solid ground and the undoing of the physical in the first rather gritty image
but this sings nothing in that ever hollow sense, that for me will always be full of more, because of its
unlimited space.
"dread or love
the end of day
continuous in always
all that's ever been
before the giver, gift and given."
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I must admit that I felt my way through this one and it seemed like travelling through desperate need to a surrender which leaves us with what remains. Yes, the unlimited beyond the things, the all potential which I would usually find myself more extolling. This time I thought I should leave it be in a quiet implication only, for a change and to leave a 'starkness' of the 'hollow. The hollow which I see as a place of preparation for what will enter or be revealed, rather than being an end in itself. The 'more', as you say and I believe, is a very similar viewpoint.
I added the- 'before the giver, gift and given'
and then - 'where we are found.'
... hoping it can be read as either 'found before...' or 'found in front of', 'by virtue of'... 'the giver, gift and given'.
to alleviate the starkness I'd left, after reading Rowan's comment.
Thank you muchly!
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I can say that for me I wasn't left feeling 'hollowed out' but then I don't see 'nothing' as empty.. simply a place were all things begin or end..
hard to explain that..
Perhaps your "where we are found" may make it seem less alien to some, yes
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Can we escape hollowness, I guess if we are satisfied with life and love then we can, I doubt any of us ever have it both at the same time though. Nice write.
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Thanks Cheryl
Yes, I don't think at the same time either. I think of the 'hollow' as being a preparation for what will then follow by entering it. Not an end in itself, although ever there, but 'something' or rather 'nothing' to go through.
Great prompt and thank you!
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Escape
seems frustrating , life at times. Perhaps escape is the only answer. Nevertheless it is all we have. Sol a very deep and penetrating write poet.
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Thank you Bob!
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What a feeling of resignation, definitely left me feeling hollowed out.
Excellent take on the prompt, and yes, one could literally feel that first stanza.
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Thank you
I must admit I didn't think of it as 'resignation' as much as surrender, to give up struggling. I'd deliberately left it stark but then, after reading your comment, ended up alleviating it a little more at the end to see how that felt.
So thank you very much!
and it may change again yet.
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This is like watching someone take the stitching out of their teddy bear...Or wallow in the morbid nature of their own subconscious, perhaps to grow from it, or learn how to take in their surroundings...But not always for the better. That first stanza is so blunt that it literally felt like my teeth were being moved. The "dig" stanza has that classic you feeling, but a lot of this feels on edge, which is so much more dark for your pieces. It also proves to me that you are capable of going to that haunted place, and writing about it. Your ending reminded me of a nine inch nails song...A band I use to listen to as a child and still do every now and then. I don't think there is anything here that I think could be improved as I liked the nature of how the words effected me. It's metaphoric without being lost and its human without being pitiful. I found it just, quick and striking.
Nice work emerald.
;
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Much thanks diamond.
Your eyes always mean much to me and your comment here has given me a smiling encouragement, more than you will know.
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I am glad that you enjoy my comments.
I mean them, so thank you.
You're welcome.
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