Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

how does one write hollow?

 

 


how does one write it
when the heart is forced
to look out the window
like a sick child
who is not allowed to play
outside,

and it’s summer
and she sits
with the lips of her longing
and the muttering

of hands against glass;
when the thin sound of grief
overwhelms the tongue
and you become a silence –
unbearably white
as the waving of a handkerchief
beside a mound,


and empty,

like a full cemetery?

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 57 of 57

  • campanaro silver member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning and beautiful!!

    Nicolette,
    Amazing write that spoke on many levels
    that the reader follows with complete and utter understanding.
    This was touching.
    Thank you for sharing this write.
    Best
    Love Peace
    campanaro

  • Son of Jim
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    That is a crazy good metaphor. I feel the narrators strain of emptiness, lack of words, hollowness if you will. The way you used a sick girl stuck inside watching the world go on, and there is nothing but silence.

    The last three lines of the first stanza, the image of the emptiness of white, and a hint of purity, but also as surrender, so powerful in use.

    The last stanza says it all, empty like a full cemetery, everything has gone full cycle, all the eulogies have been said.

    Congrats and thanks for sharing.

    Jim


  • glennwood
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful question at the end of this poem. Very nice job!


  • ChildOfRhiannon gold member
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    My...I am at a loss for words to praise this amazing write.

  • NeedaMuse
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    The imagery is brilliant.


  • monimac
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Nic, this is so heavy, and yet so empty all at the same time, as you have so aptly put it in those closing lines. I felt the longing as I read, as if it were me trapped behind the window.

    Excellent as always dear! Best wishes in the contest.


  • Danna Hobart
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is excellent. Such brilliant imagery. Those last two lines are killer! Thank you very much for entering my contest.

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and empty,
    like a full cemetery?"

    -powerful lines.
    Powerful poem. ..soft, thought-provoking metaphor.

  • Topnotchsy
    October 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    how does one write it
    when the heart is forced
    to look out the window
    like a sick child
    who is not allowed to play
    outside,

    and it’s summer
    and she sits
    with the lips of her longing
    and the muttering
    of hands against glass;

    Wow!! Quoted like half the poem, but this just just awesome!! I feel kind of silly repeating the praise on every poem of yours I read, but with the time and effort that goes into writing them, I could take the time to pile on the well deserved praises.


  • Swan song gold member
    October 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome. The intenisty of the imagery is keen here
    Simple stunning written in a beautiful way


  • leander Moderators member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Are those last two lines some kind of metaphor/simile to the whole poem?

    Or do I have to get in bed and have some sleep before I jot my thoughts about your art down here...

    and empty like a full cemetery

    ...

    Damn it, that line is going to boil some hours inside my brains tonight!


  • just rob gold member
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    <

    Yeah, that's the one, the Sal one.
    There's a million poems in that painting, and this is a great one!

  • KyleBerg gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think there's really much i can add to what other people have said. I think this is a beautiful poem. The last 2 lines really got me thinking.

    Your writing is amazing.


  • just rob gold member
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    gorgeous

    it reminds me of that painting of the woman at the window, from behind and longing; you know the one I mean.


  • poetryality silver member
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The simplicity here is stunning. The whiteness of purity sings throughout. Who knows where we are headed when we look through the window of life. What a poignant work of poetry you've scribbed.

    Congratulations on winning the Silver Cup! Well deserved!

    Much Love Always ♥

    Renee


  • Sonja silver member
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Only love and pain can talk this way, and you know how to put it to the plain paper to breathe.
    ~Sonja~


  • And Hyetal
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gasp. You've left me breathless. I love the whole simile/metaphor here... 'like a sick child who is not allowed to play'...

    ohhh wow. Bookmarked.



    ~Cassie

  • Virgoan
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the irony and reciprocal imagery just moves me. you ended this one with a bam my friend.

    wonderful as always.


  • dame de la riviere silver member
    August 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ghostly and heartbreaking. Nice use of tone and line breaks.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You write well of things us ordinary folk feel often, such simplicity but complexity at the same time, brilliant. Best to you

  • SallyStitch
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great poem. I loved the imagery of the child, and the last stanza was without a doubt my favourite.

  • Leslie gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write, how do we say the words without betting all away??, the ache, and yet this feeling of unfulfilled comes to my mind as I read the “full cemetery” line like a heart that is too full or to empty to even take love…

    Leslie


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My dear Nicolette, you make my windows cover themselves with teardrops. How sad this is. I came to visit you this evening....well here anyway. I hope that things are brighter than they seem. Love you my vriendin (even if I'm a bit of a shadow these days).


  • misselaineous
    August 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Namita
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and empty, like a full cemetery?" - What a beautiful line, that is!

    Wonderful imagery in this piece, Nic. Congrats on the silver Beautiful writing

    - Namita

  • piggyback
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have such a way with words... This poem is simple and yet you show this simple idea in such a gentle way. I probably say that to you too much, but it's one thing about your work that never ceases to amaze me. As if the words really were your babies and you are protecting them... I feel that in this poem very poignantly. I feel as if you're going all around the image you are trying to convey and you never really say it, but it doesn't matter because you mold words around it so expressively. The whole comparison to a grounded child is so unique and beautifully penned... it really puts the idea of being unfulfilled into a clever context. we all are like that when our dreams leave us... we remain hollow children searching the best way to express the emptiness. I must say, I really really really loved the title - again, the gentleness in it... and how, being a question, it implies so much and tells nothing. Asking questions can be an art, a science, I have recently discovered. But anyway, I digress. This is a stunning poem and going to end on a couple of my lists of favorite poems, most likely


  • Grateful
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is an excellent poem with a real sense of life in silence...that trapped in a sad crystal of time...poetic expression is brilliant...all the best...


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    August 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good stuff.

    Contgratulations on the silver.


  • apples fell
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Fuck, I wrote out a whole comment and lost the damn thing. Anyways, I was saying that I was glad this piece placed and that I love your work for the many moments where I feel each thing you say...The form is strong, the words are great...So I have nothing critique orientated to announce. That ending is haunting. Most people would not see things in such a light, but I thought it was wonderfully done. A sad piece, yet it feels needed...Like release.

    ;


  • FransB gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Congrats Nicolette

    I love it ... I love it ... I simply love it ... Frans


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the shiny!

    I think this was really clever: the image of the girl with her hands against the cool glass window, which separates her from the vision of all which would fill the 'hollow' left where her desire's coming from.


  • arafura gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This hit close to home. That hollow feeling... Wonderful poem my friend.

  • Mallig
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such an excellent telling, filled with a subtle, pervasive pain... even the color of these words fades into the white of the page.  Brilliant ending!

  • Michael P
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have so been there-you are right in asking -how does one write it? Using the heart with the description of "forced to look out the window." Ending with the opposing balance of "and empty, like a full cemetery?
    brilliant.


  • kaibab silver member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is fabulous Nic...sorrow to breathe as hopeless undertaking,
    the spade too dull to dig for answers...


  • CaliOkie silver member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great response to the prompt. I love the last line. The imagery you create with this is so textured and vivid. Very impressive.

    Garrison


  • misshugglebugglez
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like it! this poem has a good feel to it, it is great! sorry, i don't have a lot of time to create a nice long comment, but the point is i love your poem! =D
    "and she sits with the lips of her longingand the muttering of hands against glass; when the thin sound of grief overwhelms the tongue and you become a silence"
    that was my fave part of such a simply fabulouw poem! take care! lolz! =D


  • Grunts Girl
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    reminds me of being grounded in a way when i was little... that end of the world is coming feeling... that the sky is definately going to fall right on me sort of thing...


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "when the thin sound of grief
    overwhelms the tongue
    and you become a silence –"

    like that

    see? I told you yours would touch where mine can't


  • Cat gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    empty as a full cemetery.

    wonderful line.

    m


  • katfair
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    simply stunning and would fill any hollow I had for want of something poetically beautiful to enter;
    your poetry is like rain

    summer air

    sad and elegant piano music

    kat

  • tara wilson gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "how does one write hollow?"

    Precisely like this, my dear Friend. Heartwrenching in its raw, naked purity & vulnerability. Good luck in Chez's contest, Sweetie. Love you, Woman.

    ~ Vlindertjie


  • marc creamore
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nic . . . heartbreaking in its demeanour . . . and it amazes me that english is your second language because you pen is so fluid, the words flow like a stream over the awaiting rocks . . . one again, beautiful . . .

    Marc


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing piece full of the hollowness we often feel and those last lines...unreal. Love, C


  • Mad Moon silver member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my...this one tore at my heart, dear one.
    The picture it leaves in the mind is vivid.
    Everything about this screams emptiness and
    sorrow. How well you write "hollow," my dear friend.
    This will sit in my heart long after reading...
    Stunning imagery.

    Love it; and you.


  • Rowan gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, Nicolette, the ending says it all. How does one write hollow? Like this. sigh.


  • Birgitte
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This piece is amazing! I particularly loved the picture of the child, sitting by her window, longing to go play with the rest of the children. Quite stunning!


  • iverbthenoun
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Malabu
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    and i imagine like a child...see like a child...feel as though once...this was me...
    looking through the pane of glass
    a haven outside me
    but it is grey in here
    so a tear falls... gentle

    mal


  • apples fell
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Will you send me the link
    again through IM, when
    this is done?
1 - 57 of 57