(song)
Rain falls down,
followed by thunder
His soul slides down,
taking me under
So sick is the fall
Why haven't you saved me today?
Over and over he'd say,
Why haven't you saved me today?
Do you love me at all?
So I wore his heart,
and his hurt and his woes,
his head and his toes
Till I couldn't remember,
how to run from the thunder
Till I couldn't see,
anything but his rain and me
Arteries, veins pumping tragedy
Till me blood was stone
My heart was bone
Unknown, unseen, alone
Till rain falls down,
followed by thunder
His soul slides down,
taking me under
So sick is the fall
Why haven't you saved me today?
Over and over he'd say,
Why haven't you saved me today?
Do you love me at all?
I tasted,
teeth in his tone
Hell in his moan
He'd say,
Abide my will
Just stand perfectly still
Loving me means doing it my way
I'll make you remember
why you still speak my answer
Or this hell you will pay
Rain falls down,
feel the thunder
My soul flies down,
taking him under
So slick is the fall
Why haven't you saved me today?
Over and over he'd say,
Why haven't you saved me today?
Do you love me at all?
So I tore out his heart,
and pulled it apart
So I could see,
whats him and what is me
Black, blue now floating freely
Cleanse the cut, rid debris
I will be free
Cuz now I know how to bleed
Source is my seed
Rooting the spark in me
Now I am free
Now I am free
Now I am free
Now I am me
whats going on in your portals girls and boys?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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deeply emotional write..I like your flow..the singsong way you have it really works with this write..may have a little too much repetition..but that is my opinion...but a very soulful dark write..I LIKE IT...thanx so much for sharing ...blessings..namaste..
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oooo i'd really like to hear the music to this, i dig it,
i escpecially like the first verse, amazing write!!!! -
i really like how you wrote this. the details are awesom
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portentious pricks pack the portal...
...all came in to hear the song. I like it. I identify so easily with the words, in particular 'so sick is the fall' ' my heart was bone' 'I'll make you remember' and 'what's him and what is me'.
Good poem.
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Oh, darling, this is fabulous. In the style of Nightwish or Within Temptation, it could be one of their epics. Add in a soprano, some pumping guitars, an orchestra and a choir and you're all set (: I love the flow here, the play with the repetition, everything. It's beautiful.
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It could work as a song, in an Evanescence style. I liked it, too imaginative and dark, loved the way you merged yourself and him in words that it makes the reader feel you two are one, I didn't even notice the difference when you changed from yourself to him.
It's a bit long for a song and words are too complicated for that, too. But I guess it's a great poem, very well written and the words flow with each other perfectly. The picture you drew with the thunder, rain and feelings is very imaginative.
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....Loving me means doing it my way....
I love that line ! ...it's freakin amazing....
I wrote some chords down ...a few augmented chords in there.......changed that.....then went to a sort of a Ricky Lee Jones feel thing.......sounded pretty cool.....we could be the next Lennon and Mccartney....lol I'll give em to ya if ya want gypsy.....
Never the apprentice...always the craftsman.....
it seems you just won't settle for less then just the most superior writing......I would love to get inside that head of yours and drive it around a bit....
go runnin in outer space....lol...
could be fun....lol.
Your writing is very cool and hip...very fresh...I am never disappointed...
never a waste of time,
prolific and intelligent verse is now what I have come to expect when I sit to read your work.
Peace were ever
you may roam gypsy,
LOWELL.
BURP!!!!...bloody ale!
[that one scared the cat.]
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not a song...but a wonderful poem!
this is such wonderful imagery, feeling and language. I love the repition(is that spelled right?).
Now I am free
Now I am free
Now I am free
Now I am me
My favorite part! Wonderful job.
Blessings,
Lilly
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No, not singable - your rhythm is much too uneven unless you mean the singer to "aaah" a lot where needed. Sorry to say I can't equate with the content either - probably (definitely) too old LOL
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Very differnt,i think the repetition helps the poem and does gice it a song like quality, Ros
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It is such i nice write. Can relate to it perfectly . the thought process is very clear. Thanks for sharin
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wow. This is amazing. You're quite talented!
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thank you
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