Take good care of yourself when I'm gone
Yes, I know you wished us forever
Better out with love, than in with none.
I'll keep this dusk, and leave you the dawn
Because, if I don't depart now, I may never
Take good care of yourself when I'm gone.
Stay a red queen, as I play this blue pawn
When jealous pride was forged to sever
Better out with love, than in with none.
Looking back, I see you left a light on
Six years passed by, and so did my fever
You took such care, you forgot I was gone?
Your poppy itch nods & your stay lover yawn
Adapted faster than memories should ever,
But better out with love, than in with none.
If getting on with life's a race? You've won.
I see your favorite word is still "Whatever".
So take good care of yourself when I'm gone
I'm better outside your love, than inside with none.
Author notes
Written January 16th, 2004
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Easy to hear in the minds eye. Glad that RTF button landed me here
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Your poppy itch nods & your stay lover yawn
that line is awesome. i like this because it doesn't get too sentimental or angry and strays away from being cliche within such a popular subject. -
A very well crafted villanelle. It even attracts those who don't particularly like its form. I guess I would have to agree with them that some villanelles just have a boring repetition to them. This one, however does not.
Love the images that strike my mind as I read this. I feel I can relate.
I particularly liked this stanza : "Your poppy itch nods & your stay lover yawn
Adapted faster than memories should ever,
But better out with love, than in with none."
Very well done. Always enjoy your work, especially your villanelles.
*stomps
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question - why the & and not "and"
I agree with Nyx - I am not a fan of this kind of strict form, but there are enough strong lines in this to keep my interest. Very nice work, particularly "I'll keep this dusk, and leave you the dawn" I just adore that line. -
"And you and love are still my argument; So all my best is dressing old words new, Spending again what is already spent; For as the sun is daily new and old, So is my love still telling what is told." I dunno just reminded me. Crappy day, taking in some of Will's head medicine. (on a technical note - I've seen this vilanelle spelled with with 1 and 2 l's, prof.?)
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your word just speak to me, kinda reminded me of an x-lover i had that is going back to iraq, we spoke last night for a bit, cool as friends
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usually i dont like vilanelles but of course i had to like yours...you manage to charactorise people so succintly with a few well chosen worldly words....and you can trasfer emotions so well...
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Perfect
A wee poignant piece. Laid out carefully and with the skill of Das Master. Not much to say on this one except it's essentially perfect.
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I'm better outside your love, than inside with none.
-liked this line, and the other adaptation of it.
i dont really like vilanelles, simply because too much repetition annoys me, but i liked this one, it has a gentle lull to it that i find calming and almost intoxicating....
ti's hard loving someone who says they love you too, but never has the time or convictions to show you... =(
Nyx...
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