coral cube;
logic swam undercurrent
pressure-pounded-peace
a drowning Zen
treading water
beneath a Gulf of
weight
I was never more at home
than when my breasts
hit saggy bottom.
Author notes
Prompt: Credit Artist: http://mysticcharm.deviantart.com/art/Hemoglobin-94410654
A contest entry
- A Mango Smoothie Quickie.... by kiwigirljacks.
600 points, ended August 23, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired.
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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her what hit bottom? 
lol, this was amazing, i love the zen part and i just really like what you did with the picture, though i admit the ending caught me off gaurd
congrats on the hm and take care ^_^
Stephanie ♥
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This is a well composed take on the prompt image here. The beginning is just wow, but I especially liked:
"logic swam undercurrent"
.. I adore the sound of that, excellent phrasing ..
"a drowning Zen
treading water
beneath a Gulf of
weight"
.. this just went so well with the image itself - powerful poise in thought ..
I will say I was not so keen on the ending, but overall - still an awesome write!
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a drowning Zen - like that
Fun ending too. w00t!
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Like how you got the cube in there
The ending threw me for a curve too lol.. are they saggy? *goes to look again at picture*
Cool take!
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the coral cube, pressure pounded peace & a drowning Zen.. Brilliant, simply amazing poem.. WOW!!
good luck
kat
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You didn't tell me when you were done-God!!!
"coral cube"
Okay, so I like this bit of alliteration. I think I've complained about your previous alliterative efforts like a vain bitch, but I like this.
"a drowning Zen"
THAT'S AMAZING.
The ending is kind of like but it's humorous.
Reminds me of "Fighting Evil By Moonlight" LMAO.
Good luck, you will place
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a drowning zen...
liked this line muchly...
well done take on the prompt hun, though must say that as i was reading along you threw me off track with the last bit lol
best of luck
Tasha
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Whewwww. Now I can go to bed Wonderful images and such depth (no pun intended). I love the Gulf of weight image... Totally unique and vibrant... Great write...
Ken
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oh wow ... loved the coral cube and yesss the hyphenated bit as well ... uniqueness in this poem ... a breath of oxygenated water!
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i like the take you have on the picture its really neat. good luck.
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I doubt that... Come on... I want to see your brilliance before I hit the sack
Ken -
You will be done when...? Tell me when youare
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You too?! Small world ... hmmm ...
Good luck peer pressured one ...
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good luck
kat
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Thanks!
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But but but - I didn't have to use too much pressure!
Good luck m'dear!
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awwww! Thankies
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Better peer pressured than spear pressured.
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That all depend on what you meant by spear
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can i play with your spear?
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...*grimaces* Nah, I only toss my spear into the fully mature.
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MANGOS Hehe. Good luck, talented asshole
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*loves mangoes*
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