Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Sitting In A Bar

Sitting in a dark, dingy bar
Sappy country music on the juke box
Bottle of Bud Light attached to my hand
Sleazy guys hitting on barely dressed girls

 

He's reduced me to this

 

This, sitting in a place I'd rather not be

This, hearing music I'd rather not listen to

This, drinking something I'd rather not touch

This, surrounded by people I'd rather not see

 

I'd loved him, yes

But honestly, I guess I'm better off

Since he wasn't solely mine

I've got to look on the bright side 

 

Now I can find someone

 

Someone whose hands will fit my own like a glove

Someone whose eyes will burn like fire only for me

Someone whose touch will put goosebumps on my arms

Someone whose kiss will leave me breathless and wanting more

Author notes

I don't know about this. It seems unfinished to me, but I'm not really sure what to add, if anything.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • SliptheFlitch
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn. I must say I am impressed! Great job on this. It really stuck out to me. I don't think it feels unfinished...just that it really feels like the thought pattern of someone, lonely in the bar, wishing they could be elsewhere. It was really wonderful. At first I thought it was just gonna be one of 'those' poems, when you spoke of country music and budlight lol. ^.^ But when I reached this line:

    He's reduced me to this

    I have to say that my eyes perked up at it. Very refreshing. Thank you.

    ~Slip~