A world unknown you lie waiting
A world I will visit one day
Was I left behind?
A surge of feeling a rush of trouble
A life sleeping in fear
My heart aches,my mind races
As I've spent the many hours pacing
The night grows colder still
As my heart shuts down
My spirit has been laid to rest
but my loneliness prevails
I would give my life,
for one more moment,
one more goodbye
Broken bodies matter not
when my nightmares become lullabies
I only wish you could meet my dreams
Why did you have to leave?
an obituary becomes my sanctuary
and life goes on as predicted
I want true redemption
Therefore death becomes a part of me
Author notes
I wrote this on the 4th anniversary of my dads death, I was finally dealing with some issues around it that had been eating away at me for some time. I hear it's an emotional read to that I have to say that it was an emotional write, I let go of alot of painful feelings and attitudes towards myself and others when I finally sat down and penned this
consturctive criticsim?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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it is so hard to lose someone close
bleed and bleed words upon a page until you sort things out.
very emotional and heartfelt write
oh and...
write however you want to....
i sometimes capitalize shit and sometimes i dont... there is a significance to it all and if i want the poem to feel a certain way i write it visually a certain way
to prose and free writing there are no rules
that is why it is a great form of instant expression
and thank you for the comment you left on my work earlier
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This poem is written with not only sadness but also love for your father, I can see now how much you truly loved him. Your words are beautiful and emotional.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone.
Much love - Merosa D.
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Wow, that is an amazing poem. My dad died when I was nine, which was about 14 years ago so I can totally relate. I still haven't truly delt with it as much as I should have, and I am just starting to realize how much a part of my life his death has been. Thank you so much for sharing this poem and helping me see that I'm not alone.
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no problem, I haven't been online for awhile so it took me awhile to notice you're nice comment, well everyone's nice comments really...sorry if I've already replied or something a month ago when you gave you're comment. I haven't been keeping up my account lately so I can't remember, but I feel its important to make sure
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dude this poem is pretty much amazing. I really like the flow. You can almost see you pacing with each syllable and feel the intensity in every line.
I'm really like the read, very original and authentic.
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I absolutely love this piece...oozing with such vibrant imagery. The sadness and desperation is well described to the reader...you have talent for speaking from the heart whether this be true or not. Very creative to say the least. Thanks for sharing this excellent work with us. *just a little tip...remember your Capitols at the start of a new sentence, and your title should start with a capitol*
Shaz xx
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my grammar is terrible I know I know!!lol, I'm happy that so many people have responded to it though
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A fascinating and thought provoking piece that is well crafted throughout although one or two of the lines read over long - particularly those towards the end which mar the flow and rhythm a little. Extremely powerful imagery and figurative devices really bring this home to the reader. Thanks for sharing such a piece.
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there is not end my friend.
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what do you mean? could you elaborate a bit?
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Oh my so sad this is
You have penned in this write the very core of your feelings so left without and embrace or reason why . This piece so brings a tear to the reader
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I like the slant rhymes here, and the thoughtful tone. The juxtaposition of nightmares and lullabies, obituary and sanctuary works really well for me. Most like 'therefore death becomes a part of me'.
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