did it really shake you ?
as much as you claim that it did...
can you really feel an earthquake?
my eyes aren't that deep...
can you really feel the warmth?
do my fingertips really cause
sunshine?
my work is not that intense...
did you really start leaking?
babe I love typical...
typical,is... what I give?
my smile is just that devious!
it's what I got from you...
ohh!
you have yet to be impressed?
but maybe I made an impression on your
beating flesh?
Author notes
if i could cause sunshine and earthquakes
i'd be a different person
and if i was that person you wouldnt love me as much...
and i admit i can cause leaking
and ohh boy am i typical...
but you still love me?
hope you like it
A contest entry
- your most very personal poetry♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 7, 2008, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I almost like your author's notes more than the poem. *giggles* Well, I like them BOTH a lot.
Especially the bit about "beating flesh."
I can feel my pulse from the weirdest places.
Beautiful, hun.
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"but maybe I made an impression on your
beating flesh? "
That was my favorite!
Good luck in the contest :]
♥
-rainbow. -
i love this!
all of this
"did it really shake you ?
as much as you claim that it did...
can you really feel an earthquake?
my eyes aren't that deep...
can you really feel the warmth?
do my fingertips really cause
sunshine?
my work is not that intense..."
is amazing.
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Sometimes its hard to take a compliment but it still feels wonderful. It plays off to me like you are asking for more but your embarrassed.
can you really feel the warmth?
do my fingertips really cause
sunshine?
my work is not that intense...
I like this whole poem because it lets us see a glimpse inside the conversation but still leaves a lot to the imagination.
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this is wonderful
great message girl.
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Well I surely know where you're coming from. I love the attitude you portray in this poem :] Amazing.
-can you really feel the warmth?
do my fingertips really cause
sunshine?
my work is not that intense...
...
Those were probably my favorite lines. I loved how you wrote that. Keep it up & thanks for entering :] I wish you the best of luck with everythingg♥ -
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gracias love!
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did it really shake you ?
as much as you claim that it did...
can you really feel an earthquake?
that reminds me of someting I wrote;
" did it hit you as hard as it hit me?
the weight of broken promises
and hipocritical claims stretching out your skin;.."
my eyes aren't that deep...
INTRIGUIING. something about this--
captures me, though I am lost.
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I like it...short but powerfully packed. Nice job.
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Very good write!
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did it really shake you ?
as much as you claim that it did...
can you really feel an earthquake?
---
omg i loved it 'can you really feel an earthquake' thats just wow.
but maybe I made an impression on your
beating flesh?
---
wow. thats an aamzing ending line
seriously, the imagery is brilliant and this is brilliant
this is definitely one of my favourites by you
the one thing i didnt like so much was the 'ohh' line
it just took away from the sophisticatedness and deepness of the poem,
but yea i dno
this is really really good
lots of luck in the contest <3
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thank you
yeah im working on it
but i think that it si getting there
im not sure about that line yet...
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omg
this is just effing incredible
i'm very proud of this for you!
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