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Hurricane

Boxes piled up to mirror
the skyscrapers outside
this dingy, dank room,
I sit.
Transposed,
both in location
and state of mind.
These towers hold too many
memories.

These eyes look up,
hoping for resolution
and a clear, blue sky.
As always,
only the eye of the storm.

So with a force
like the torrent winds outside
I'll demolish these memories,
and pick up my life
along with the rest of
Jacksonville.

A contest entry

No specific question, just what you think: good or bad.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    September 21, 2008

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    Lovely, indeed... In these few lines, you have breathed such life into this write that I was transported into the dingy little cupboard-type room with you.

    I don't know why I didn't read this already, as I entered the same contest... But I'm glad I found it! Keep up the solid work!

    Laura, aka Immortal


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    September 20, 2008

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    iFOUND IT REALLY MOVONG AND COMPELLING, REALLY TIGHT AND CONCISE TOO NOT TOO MUCH YET LEFT ME WANTING MORE THANKS


  • FelineMuse
    September 19, 2008

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    I liked the vivid, contrasting descriptions. "skyscrapers" brought to mind a stereotypical big city scene while the description of both the boxes and the "dingy, dank room" brought to mind an unappealing apartment. Even if you hadn't stated that the city held too many memories, readers might have guessed from your negative description of the apartment. The word "towers" spoke of mocking, pristine white castle towers to me, an even more shocking contrast to either the emotional reality or any tangible city. Overall, a nifty write.


  • BellaD
    August 30, 2008

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    Love the last stanza! Good images throughout. I would have liked to know more (though it's totally understandable if you want to keep it a bit cryptic) about what needs resolution...I must say I often feel the way your poem describes- like I want to demolish everything and start fresh. Great job!


  • SliptheFlitch
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice job! It was rather short, but to the point so to speak. I loved the imagery and the wording. Thanks for entering!


    ~Slip~

1 - 5 of 5