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Culpable

Missing image
 

If you were here

you wouldn't be

sobbing over the phone

to me

(pathetically endearing)

 

or screaming obscenities

about my unscrupulous,

duplicitous nature

and infidelities

(so condescending)

 

If you were here

perhaps we'd be

everything you fancied

in your fallacious phantasies

(how illogical you can be)

 

But you're not,

we're not, and

I'm not the only one

guilty of insincerity

(so stop crying to me)

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: "You're Not"

 



Guilty - but tired of being sorry.

Inspired, in part, by Evanescence's "Call Me When You're Sober":

"Don't cry to me -
if you loved me
you would be here with me;
you want me,
come find me -
make up your mind...

...Couldn't take the blame
Sick with shame
must be exhausting
to lose your own game..."

 

Once again I used the prompt within the poem. Sorry Jessica, it just seemed to fit so well. Hope you don't mind.

 

And, yes, "phantasies" is spelled that way on purpose: for phantasyintrigue-x, the awesome poet and judge of this awesome contest.

 

 

Photo Credit: Out-take from the music video from "Call Me When You're Sober", found through google.com/images - isn't he absolutely gorgeous???

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • usefuldistraction
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    Great title choice...absolutely gold worthy, this is smart, fresh and contemporary!


  • MuddyKing
    August 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this seems much better than a honorable worthy poem
    I like the use of italics for emphasis
    you remind me of blackwidow77, and that is an extreme compliment...check her out and you'll know why
    I'll be back for more
    peace Muddy


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      August 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you - for the wonderful comment and the add to favorites!
      I will definitely check blackwidow77 out.


      • MuddyKing
        August 28, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        she writes mostly prose, but it is remarkable
        and thank you for the add as well and the kind words


  • CaliOkie silver member
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You had me with the title. Great response to the prompt.

    Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish what we have been told we should want from what we truly do want. "The TRUTH" lies only in our own hearts despite how much we want to reason our way out of our problems. Like the old saying "you have to lose your mind and come to your senses."

    Well written conflict here. The emotional intensity is riveting.

    Garrison


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      August 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I like that saying... so perfect. I may have to use that, lol.

      "Riveting" is one of my favorite words - and you used it in a comment about me!

      You always leave the most insightful comments. Thanks.


  • The Drifter
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    culpable

    There's always enough blame to go around--maybe we should try to clean our own act up, could be a full time job--or better yet, forgive and forget and try to repair and go on. I like the poem--It is on par with your usual high standards.


  • notorious gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats...and sorry for the ugly trophy but yah


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      August 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It's not ugly at all... thank you so much!!!
      Honestly, I'm just happy to be writing again - and happy you liked it. It was tough competition.

      • notorious gold member
        August 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Any chance of you checking out my latest contest?


        • Auburn Sunrise gold member
          August 23, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          The "Deux" contest? I looked at it... not sure if I can come up with anything... but I'll try.


          • notorious gold member
            August 23, 2008

            Edit | Reply
            Yeah, that contest. Unless you want to enter the one where you're inspired by ANY poem/song lyrics. Oh come on!!! *whiny child face*


            • Auburn Sunrise gold member
              August 23, 2008

              Edit | Reply
              I will certainly see what I can come up with for both... since you're so good at begging.
              And I love your contests and comments.


              • notorious gold member
                August 23, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                Yeah if you don't enter I will be
                And that would be annoying to listen to. LoL


  • misshugglebugglez
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was really enjoyable! i really like your vocabulary, it is very poetic. I thought this was amazing! it was so good! nice poem!


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fab-U-lous!
    I was so into the words I had to blink when I reached the end because I was mesmerized by it all ... the picture of course is yummy

    One of your finest hun!
    Best of luck!
    ♥
    Stay safe
    Love to you
    ~Manda


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      August 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      That man is absolutely stunning. I have to agree it's a yummy pic - which is why I chose to put it in the poem instead of a pic of Amy Lee singing this song - not that she isn't just as gorgeous (if not more)... he's just irresistible.

      Thank you


  • HereComesTheSun
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    amazing poem
    just wow


  • notorious gold member
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good to have you writing again =]

    Of course I don't mind that you used the prompt in the contest.

    This makes me think of song lyrics, like something Evanescence would sing--Evanescence is practically my favorite band! How'd you know?

    I do fancy how your title isn't mentioned anywhere in the poem.

    Now I have to ask--was there someone in your life exactly like this?

    "If you were here
    you wouldn't be
    sobbing over the phone
    to me
    (pathetically endearing)"
    "pathetically endearing" is a non-pathetic phrase that is endearing. Me likes mucho!!

    "or screaming obscenities
    about my unscrupulous,
    duplicitous nature
    and infidelities
    (so condescending)"
    God, he sounds like a bastard!! LMAO...lots of kick-ass vocab here: unscrupulous, duplicitous, infidelities <--I just like that word

    "If you were here
    perhaps we'd be
    everything you fancied"
    I like 'fancied'...all British-ism-y.

    "in your fallacious phantasies
    (how illogical you can be)"
    Possibly my favorite part? Love the spelling of course. 'illogical'...love that word.

    "But you're not,
    we're not, and
    I'm not the only one
    guilty of insincerity
    (so stop crying to me)"
    You know...every line in brackets...could be an Evanescence song lyric.

    Good luck

    -Jessica
    "I'm not the only one guilty of insincerity" is so awesomely scathing, and "the only one" reminds me of the Evanescence song too.


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      August 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you! I have to agree that it's great to be writing again.

      I just love your comments.

      Now - for your questions:

      No, I didn't realize Evanescence was one of your favorite bands - but they are mine! My second favorite, ironically, is Seether.

      Did you know "Call Me When You're Sober" was written about Seether's lead singer, Shaun Morgan, while he was in rehab? Talk about scathing!

      Then Seether came out with their new album, "Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces", and it seems like half of the songs are bitter replies (such as "Fake It" and "FMLYHM" - which stands for "Fuck Me Like You Hate Me").

      Obviously, as I listen to them nearly every day, I am inspired by Evanescence. LOL. I know every word in every song.

      Actually, there were three men in my life like this. I never had the courage to stand up to the first. The second, a little rich pretty boy who treated me like crap, was too much of a coward to break up with me so he kept doing mean things hoping I'd break up with him... finally it came down to a phone conversation where he admitted he was "waiting for me to break up with him."

      I screamed at him and called him a "fucking coward" and said "it's over!" - then he started crying and I was like "you moron! isn't this what you wanted?"

      Ugh. We were in college, too - and he should have been more mature by then.

      The third... well... it was just complicated and impossible.

      I thought of "The Only One" by Evanescence when I wrote that line, too.

      Okay, my explanations are always too long. LOL.


      • notorious gold member
        August 22, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I know those Seether songs. My favorite is "Fine Again" by them--I dunno, it's good for me when I'm broody.

        No, your explanations are fun to read. This poem is like a kiss-off to them.


        • Auburn Sunrise gold member
          August 22, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          "Fine Again" was the song that got me interested in Seether. It was my favorite until the "Broken" duet with Amy Lee came out. Then on the next album, I loved "Remedy" - the beat is just so ... catchy. LOL. Now, I love "Fake It", "Rise Above This", and "FMLYHM".

          I think you'd really love Shinedown. Brent of Shinedown is just as talented, if not more, than Shaun Morgan (and actually better looking, sorry Shaun). I recommend these songs by Shinedown (I have three albums from them, so they're my top picks from all three):

          "Fly From the Inside"
          "Burning Bright"
          "45"
          "Save Me"
          "I Dare You"
          "Beyond the Sun"
          "Sound of Madness"
          "Second Chance"
          "The Crow and the Butterfly"
          "If You Only Knew"
          "What A Shame"
          "Breaking Inside"

          Also, do you like Breaking Benjamin? I LOVE Breaking Benjamin. They're my husband's favorite.


          • notorious gold member
            August 22, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            Well that was some comment. The "Broken" duet is indeed kick-ass. Their voices work so well together.

            I will DL "Remedy". The title intrigues me.

            Never got into Breaking Benjamin. I think the band name threw me off LMAO.

            I like Nirvana.

            I also like some mainstream crap, but I don't think you're interested in that--they don't make a huge majority of my music...more like a minority, but yeah.

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