Through his eyes, a thought pierced his mind
as he notice their unbruised wed.
Envious of their love, his heart went blind.
Completing each other as their dallying bind
Green-eyed he watched from his dateless abandonment
Through his eyes, a thought pierced his mind
With asquint intent he approached the female kind
and ingeniously crushed their feather-bed.
Envious of their love, his heart went blind.
Drenched in guilt, they feared what God would find.
Weakness revealed, the plan was set.
Through his eyes, a thought pierced his mind.
As the poisened apple digested their mind.
Drops of sorrow due to disconnection shed.
Envious of their love, his heart went blind.
Their paradaise lost - due to envy and hate
Hearts of controversy is now the couple's fate
Through his eyes, a thought pierced his mind
Envious of their love, his heart went blind
Author notes
A Villanelle
Written as a Villanelle to highlight the philosophy ‘that I noticed’, portrayed by this painting.
Illustration to 'Paradise Lost'- William Blake
Phrases adopted from the Shakespearian Glossary:
unbruised: unspoiled
dallying: fondling one another
dateless: everlasting
asquint: crookedly, falsely
feather-bed: marriage
drops of sorrow: tears.
hearts of controversy: in rivalry
In a list
A contest entry
- ♂ Picture Prompt - Quicky ♀ by Lola Green.
450 points, ended August 25, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
..
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Good work...
I have enjoyed the reading of "Paradise Lost" for its contents and uniqueness.
It seems that the author forgot to revise this magnificent composition. The mixed metre, etc.
What counts here is the impression and its aesthetics' quality.
In respect,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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Reading this again, I notice all my mistakes... Can't believe I actually won a trophy for this
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Excellent
his heart went blind -- 3 times
his heart goes blind -- 1 time
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A Villanelle is possibly the hardest poem to write and I salute you in doing one with so much wonder! I love the 7 phrases you quoted and I notice why you chose that number!
To write a prompt you need to connect to the writer's thoughts and that is something you did here with so much grace!
I can only imagine how long you have worked on this poem finding all those quotes and I think that somehow you must feel what you have written here.
Thank you kindly for your entry! I really enjoyed reading this and hope that you enjoyed participating and creating this masterpiece!
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very good..
This is a very interesting form, and an even better story! Becks my friend you are so talented!
lots of luck in the contest my friend, I agree with the comment down below..there's a shiny with your name on it!
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Thank you my friend!
I must admit that it was really hard work!
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This is deep - Has a very good point of illustration. Envy of the devil can be picked up here.
This is a golden piece
Keep penning it down
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WOW sweet! youre on so many levels
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This is EXCELLENT!
Well done, Becks ... for me this is gold ... PERFECTION! I so enjoyed reading this. Very creative, VERY clever and fresh, and the use of the Shakespearian glossary was just brilliant.
So: I leave you my EMGEE: MyraGold.
Check out a few minor problems with mixing of tenses ...
Love to you, Precious.
Myra
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Thanks for your gold Myra!!!
I better go fix the mistakes before judging day!!!
Thanks again
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You did well, Poetess ...
now it is almost perfect. Check the second last stanza ...
Drops of sorrow ran due to disconnection
Envious of their love, his heart went blind
And I stand by what I said. THIS is the winner.
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