A hint of night lingers,
As day breaks…
The sun,
Works its enchantment.
We rise to bird song,
Rub tired eyes…
Cereal,
On table, coffee too.
Another day…
Same sun.
A contest entry
- Quickie...................... 15/30/24 Word Prompt PIF by fortyninereasons.
875 points, ended August 27, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I'm glad that you changed 'cornflakes' to cereal. I too thought it was a bit 'harsh' A much softer feel to the whole piece now. Thank you for entering. Good Luck.
Juls
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thank you, i think so too
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great poem
I like the spacing. It is leading from a wonderful night experience to the truth of another day in the cereal world of reality.
I suppose it often hits us at breaky time when we 'rub tired eyes' and begin another day...'same sun.'
I enjoyed your poem a lot. It showed me that the sun is the same on the other side of the world from me, and we all experience the same sameness. Maybe that is a good thing.
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perhaps it is my friend perhaps it is, thank you for your wonderful comments and applause, i hope you are doing well
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It is so soft the start of this poem but the cornflakes image seems a little harsh for the rest of the piece even though it is uniquely a morning thing, wonder if cereal might work better? C
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thank you, i took your addvice and ussed cereal, your right, it does sound softer, the harshness, of the word looked out of place, thank you friend, and thank you for reading me and leaving kind applause
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