Ever on my mind when we are apart,
Absence fuels our desire,
We are a living affair of the heart.
I fell in love with him right from the start,
Beginning a love inspired,
Ever on my mind when we are apart.
He acts as my nautical chart,
Mapping our way through St. Elmo’s fire,
We are a living affair of the heart.
Tender emotions become a work of art,
A masterpiece sent through a telephone wire,
Ever on my mind when we are apart.
In this drama, we each play our parts,
A role in which I shall never tire,
We are a living affair of the heart.
Meeting in ports of call only to depart,
Sailing seas in shades of blue sapphire,
Ever on my mind when we are apart,
We are a living affair of the heart.
A contest entry
- Villanelle with Meaning by Peteskid.
2250 points, ended September 3, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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There is much emphasis of feeling to be found here
and the metaphors used keep the read fluid and
focused. However, my understanding of the Villanelle form is that while there is no stated syllable count; once set by the poet, it must remain consistent throughout. So I do question your trueness to form.
A pleasure to read and comprehend...Blue
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Thank you so much for your observations.
Patty
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When read aloud especially the definitions come as a subtle restatement or emphaisis, a kind of logic or thought refrain, this is very well done, simple reachable ideas framed in melodic words. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest best of luck in the judging...PK
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Thank you very much! I loved the idea of the added meanings in the second line. I just hoped that I had come close to what was asked for.
Thank you,
Patty
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