Thump thump
It gasps for air
Shrieking under the pressure
The untold pains
Flat and stuck with needles of despair
Thump thump
Every second that passes by
Its drips with the remaining love
Sucked dry by the mosquitoes
Swarming its defenseless walls
Thump
One less beat
One last drop of hope
Will it be sucked dry?
Thu...
thump.
Thump thump.
Maybe my heart will live another day.
A contest entry
- the beauty... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended October 14, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like the mystic tone aned the spiritual flavour of the wonderful words used here with a musical rythem..I am thankkful for your beautiful entry in my contrest..well done....
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PrabhuDayal
thank you for ur comment
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very well written,I enjoyed the repitition, it set a unique beat.
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to sinner
thank you. i try to really controle how the reader in fact reads the poem. im glad to hear some feed back of some success. =D
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Loved this. The repetitive "thump" was very effective.
"Every second that passes by
Its drips with the remaining love
Sucked dry by the mosquitoes
Swarming its defenseless walls"
Very good visualization ^
Keep writing this is very unique
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wow!
this is so beautiful! it was interesting the way you've interpreted love... this was a creative write... i enjoyed reading it... simple, yet deep! keep writing!
~beauty of silence
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