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breakthrough

the taste of
melted ice cream
still resides
where I swallowed time whole
like I could control
seconds on my fingertips

my eyes are almost shut-
they are shadowed with
cellophane colors that

answer the question
your lips didn't-

who am I?
 

Author notes

raye-xotic

http://solita.deviantart.com/art/Breakthrough-92733352
I stole the pic's title for this poem's title, so I thought I'd posty up the pic as well.
[EDIT]No longer a Gold member. =[

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • aanika
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'they are shadowed with
    cellophane colors that

    answer the question
    your lips didn't-'

    BRILLIANT.
    I love the way you write!
    thanks for entering & good luck


  • Age of Rain
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was brilliant. I loved the end especially! Nicely done here poet!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh.. we all question who we are at different points in our life.. and just when we think we know.. we go and change! Grr lol


  • notorious gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, me likes how the title wasn't mentioned in your poem at all. It's always more intriguing that way.

    And plus...one normally associates ice cream with I dunno, YUMMINESS & happiness, but using the adjective "melted" makes me think of something that disintegrated, that fell apart. It's abstractly awesome!

    "still resides"<--sounds like something that happened in the past that's clinging onto the present, and I get all these implications from these 2 words.

    "where I swallowed time whole
    like I could control
    seconds on my fingertips"
    This reminds me of Aanika's writing style. I like the simile...seconds on fingertips. Fingertips are so small, and so are seconds, but they all add up to something incrementally bigger.

    "my eyes are almost shut-
    they are shadowed with
    cellophane colors that"
    The word 'cellophane' is SO freaking cool!! The 'almost'...like you're carefully watching for the same thing that "still resides"? You're tired but you can't stop watching out for the danger...

    "answer the question
    your lips didn't-"
    It sounds like you're talking about a boyfriend...or...

    "who am I?"
    It sounds like you're talking about yourself. Maybe what you say out loud or the way you express yourself in public is somebody you don't recognize. The words you say--you can't believe they're coming from you.
    Or, if it was the boyfriend angle...it could be that he makes you feel empty, or not as complete as you thought.

    The meanings are so ambiguous.

    Good luck

    ,
    Jessica

  • aanika
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    SCREEN NAME IN AUTHORS NOTES.

    sorry, I don't mean to treat you unfairly by screaming
    but I'm getting pretty frustrated

    please do it.


    • raye-xotic
      August 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      It's okay, excitement can be conveyed in caps too.
      I read the rules yesterday & forgot today. Will do that...


      • aanika
        August 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        thanks (:

        I'll comment for real on this later.
        looks good!

1 - 9 of 9