if I ever counted lollipops
and all the things that break
counted sweetness of 'sweet' things
but never played games...
and I've got much to offer a little ant..
too bad I'm alergic.
I have done nothing wrong
I'm just
covered in stickyness
residue
from past efforts
that all fell through
its the only thing that attracts to me
this gravitational force
you got stuck in a sloppy mess
called meeting me
its not really love
candy doesn't have feelings
I've never been known to 'truely' be happy
I've never been owned with a smile on my face
but boy! I can pretend I'm laughing
here you are right in your face
[haha]
the truth is I'm the only thing that is worn
you bit in too quick...
and i have lots of things on my mind
like?
I want to know why sap doesn't wash out
at least not with tears..
Author notes
this was truely a spontanious thing...
this is what truely means nothing
and i know it stinks
its just a rant
and nothing more
sure parts sound familiar
but was there anymore?...
A contest entry
- Anything you want by whispernthedark.
745 points, ended August 22, 2008, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your most very personal poetry♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 7, 2008, 64 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING by runicSilver.
300 points, ended September 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Again
I shall stick to my former commento
This one is definitely one of my favorites by you :]
loveyouuu♥ -
you got stuck in a sloppy mess
called meeting me
its not really love
candy doesn't have feelings
the poem, really
i didn't like it all
until this;
and i have lots of things on my mind
like?
I want to know why sap doesn't wash out
at least not with tears..
GRASPED my bones. ugh.
v.v
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like i said it was a rant
some a$$hole pissed me off...
long story
you should hear sometime
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you are extremely talented, whether or not ur "muse is back" *totally read all the comments like a stalker*
the poem, the metaphor, the picture you conjured with your words...i applaud you, whether or not you think it's just a little bit of raw emotion or a few words. it was beautiful.
thank you for sharing,
-tricia
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thank you so much!!!
hahah
and that fine!
i love stalkers!!!
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Interesting write here
Oh if the adults only knew just how smart their children truly are and how the children asks within their minds often will they ever grow up for I have excelled past their knowledge yet they hold me back for they are the boss .PLEASE Tthis was great and yes we do put on an artificial smile way too often just so they wont ask us whats wrong
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This is really great, I especially love the last several lines. This poem just moves effortlessly. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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thanks you very much im glad that you like it
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Ha Ha !
Told you your muse was back!!!!!! it seems like your happy and sad and happy and sad and happy and sad and happy and sad and happy and sad and happy and sad and happy and sad. This is a good pattern it's universal even meteorites get lonely but it's different for them. -
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i dont think its back
it just raw emotion...
that some how find a way to get on paper
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i like this
it has good metaphors and stuff -
OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! this is my all time FAV!! amaziing metaphor!! blew me away!!! i loveeeeeeee et!
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oooh i love the edits you did
it really made it flow and sound a lot beter!!
<3 i like it even more than before haha -
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alright
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this is a great piece and absolutely has alott of deep meaning.
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hehe better appreciate my long comments
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i do
and i will try and fix
likei said this was just soemthing that i spwed out
and its nice to know its not half bad
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if I ever counted lollipops
and all the things that break
counted sweetness of sweet things
but never played games...
---
thats an amazing beginning
but i felt that saying sweet in the same line was overkill, maybe change it to sugar? but i dno :S
you also said sticky/stuck etc a lot
sorry for the criticism dont hate me
lots of ppl yell at me when i do it..
anywho on to good things
and there ALOT :]
if I ever counted lollipops
and all the things that break
---
i already said i loved this; and i do the imagery is amazing.
the truth is I'm the only thing that is worn
---
wow i love that
thats true for me also.
it can also be read on so many levels
and i have lots of things on my mind
like?
I want to know why sap doesn't wash out
at least not with tears..
---
thats absolutely BRILLIANT
and thats the type of ending that really makes me think.
overall i reallly like the whole stuck/sticky metaphor thing and then sayign how sap doesnt wash out in tears
but you overused the word
but the ending really made up for it haha
this is really good & its longer than your other stuff soo yaaay!
xx. -
Ohkay, so I loved everything about this poem. I honestly can't even pick out my favorite lines, because the whole thing was just captivating & amazinggg. ily dearrr ! keep it up ♥
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Whoa !!!Your muse is back!!!!
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i dont think so
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