worthy
your skin
was like milky moons
marked with fish
and teeth
yet everyone still
wanted to chew your
throat
stealing the voice
that had grown strong
without protein
from constant mumbling
the lakes widened
knowing you could
walk on water
stretching out
to lead the way back
into open arms
and open flesh
so I could bear you
like smoke
blown into my eyes.
except
you were coral-haired
and curled,
you had faced separation
and seen blood
spill
from thousands of angles
to build a home
behind you
I hope
for us both
that loneliness is not defined
by time
or what part of your body
I like best
because
picking one
means choosing
which finger to gnaw off
when I still thrive
on touch.
honestly
between you and me
I'd pick my ring finger
because no one
belongs there
anyways
according to the burnt mouth
of the sky
with words
like nails pressing in
your softest spot
to find
blackbirds
all
claiming
to have stormed around
your head
when your eyes closed
imagining peace
bending
like a silver cloud
or tangible letters
pressed gently
in your ears.
but now you lie awake
contemplating
piano chords and god
until something
comes
to plague you
like fucking
phenomena
like
the sound of
your gravedigger's
voice
what
is the meaning
of happiness
when dust recollects
every week
but undoubtedly
that's the place
I want to find you,
holding life by the neck
and collecting
friends
until everything becomes
golden
in your shine
Author notes
You stand so far away lake's in the distance, top of bails of hay, breeze dream clouds thick and white, kite, wind against the bow, No matter how far we sail.
Bees, leaves, hives go fly with flies, in and out, petals and stems, stitches and hems, us's and thems. Collected by friends, and spread amongst the then, while others seem to pretend that make believe is when image left with men is painted with a pen, and time's left to Big Ben.
Hold back your thought, among silence rhythms are taught, the end of the line, a trout you have caught, flipping and sticking to bits of hay, slipping in skin, reflecting the day, it's only a picture, there's not much to say.
Lake Song/New Ceremonial Music For Moms - Akron/Family
they are amazing and hugely inspiring.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry/lyrics sweat INSPIRATION by notorious.
1246 points, ended September 9, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Congrats...this was worthy
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i meant to applaud you.
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but now you lie awake
contemplating
piano chords and god
until something
comes
First stanza - breathed right through god's nostrils. Everything else plucked miracles, and sucked new rings on angel heads.
As always, you leave me collapsing.
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damn your words are like drops of water falling and gaining momentum before splattering on the ground and splaying out...
You mind amazes me and I want to visit it like a museum and stand in awe at all that is there. So many fucking lines here that pop out and pierce my eyes...
Shit!!!!! I know you are sick of me telling you this is great but I swear it is...every time I say it, it is!
♥Becky♥
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"I'd pick my ring finger
because no one
belongs there
anyways
according to the burnt mouth
of the sky">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
. This is really sad. 
This is sooooo good. It has a fast, smooth stream of consciousness feel. I Love it. I mean, just damn fine writing bestie
.
Meghie
`
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i know, that bit really makes me :C :C :C
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I know.
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a fan
i really really like your witting.
you know poetry. you also know how to throw a cuss word in as a means of emphasis. not out of place, you know? i believe in things like that. keeps us honest.
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oooooooooooooooooh my god
maybe my favorite ever.
"to plague you
like fucking
phenomena
like
the sound of
your gravedigger's
voice "
like shiiiit. Hollaa♥.
amazzed.<3
like holy. wowowowow. I would like to watch you write. I want to see how you like produce those words. How long does it take you to make something so gorgeous. Like do they flow out do you make them & re-arrange are you listening to music whats the expression on your face? I guess im wierd. But like how does such a beautiful thing come of you wow you are beautiful<3.
♥
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Gee can you get any better? Each time I read something from you I am amazed. This one is again just peeling layer upon layer away and I so love the way you do it with strong and powerful metaphor, this says a whole lot hun and it says it so very well.
C
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Sorry!!!
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LoL
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no worries, silly jess! don't geel obligated babe
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umm, yeah..have you ever seen her when you say no? or you don't hand out applause's?
it's scary!
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Only for good poems!!
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hahahahah no, but i think i catch your drift
she is feisty that's for sure <3 -
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Was I meant to see that?
LoL
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hahaha obviously hence the awesome <3
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Harrumph
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LMAO hehehe I love nagging people about applause for poems THIS good
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you just like nagging!
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You have wonderful metaphores and imagery in this. I really liked the part about you'd pick your ring finger to gnaw off because no one belongs there anyways but I think it would sound better as just anyway not anyways. This was a very interesting poem and nicely written.
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I'm so glad that I did not enter this contest!! with the talent that you've shown here! I'm glad that I ran across this piece though.. There's a lot to it and yet nothing at all if that makes sense.. like.. It seems like it just flowed out of you (which is the "nothing at all part") and yet the metaphors that you used were well placed and just stunning!! well done!! wish you the best of luck in the contest!!
Angel
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The only thing that's missing in this comment is applause Donkey
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yea yea I always forget those.. lol.
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Wow
So far, nobody's done anything based on song lyrics--you're the first one, but then, you is a special individual.
You use a shitload of gerunds...
& you know what? Even though I knew that & usually hate gerunds, every time you used one here, it seemed to work.
"stealing the voice
that had grown strong
without protein
from constant mumbling"
This strikes me both sad & comical with the "constant mumbling" ditty. I love this...it's so original with the reference to protein & just...I like it, okay?!
The walking on water thing is nice. I mean, it's a phrase everyone's heard, but it works here.
I wanna be able to walk on water!
"you had faced separation
and seen blood
spill
from thousands of angles
to build a home
behind you"
I like this a lot. You mention blood in a unique context, methinks, or at least in a different manner. Meh. I like it.
"I hope
for us both
that loneliness is not defined
by time
or what part of your body
I like best
because
picking one
means choosing
which finger to gnaw off
when I still thrive
on touch."
You express love in weird ways.
I love it.
"according to the burnt mouth
of the sky
with words"
& you said I wrote a sky with layers?
I think you do. I love "burnt mouth".
Am I allowed to use this whenever I feel like it? Great, thanks.
Like the line break for 'blackbirds'. Looks all distinguished on its own.
"but now you lie awake
contemplating
piano chords and god"
I play piano & I asked for nothing that praised God.
Love!!!!!!!!
"until something
comes
to plague you
like fucking
phenomena
like
the sound of
your gravedigger's
voice"
Oh goody, I was hoping somebody would swear in their entry. LoL
'phenomena' is a cool word & "gravedigger's voice" is SO AWESOME!!!
A bit morbid, but that's cool too.
"when dust recollects
every week
but undoubtedly
that's the place
I want to find you,"
I'm getting a little creeped out by your talent, and other people's talents.
Makes Jessica feel inadequate, wah!!!
LMAO
Whining aside, I love the way you have talked about dust & you ruse of 'undoubtedly'..."that's the place/I want to find you" is really poignant.
"collecting/friends"
Hmm. I prefer keeping friends, as opposed to collecting.
Awesome.
A strong contender for sure.
,
Jessica
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you. leave. the. best. comments.
ever.
inginginginging<3
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I'll take that as thank you...you're so welcome
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i give you gerunds in thanks...LOL
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But I hate them!! Not when you use them
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ps you're amazing
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Always nice to hear it again from someone this talented
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i'm going to applaud this on the first read. because it was that fluent and amazing.
i had an interesting thought today:
if days are divided by sleep
and i don't get any
then how long
have i been alive?
thats going on my collage too. for some reason this poem reminded me of it. idk.
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wow... i placed myself his "you"'s 'grave' and felt how lonely it must be for you to stay away from where i was...
this is the strongest piece i have read from you(stronger than the last strongest, you know which one i am talking about).
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picking one
means choosing
which finger to gnaw off
when I still thrive
on touch.
honestly
between you and me
I'd pick my ring finger
because no one
belongs there
anyways
fuck
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