strumming,
is the movement in which
this is such a soft encounter.
you never really can pinpoint
a moment,
when you fell in love,
when you fell out of love,
when you began to care,
when you stopped caring.
and i am no angel.
i can trace the moisture
on your body
and always feel the warmth.
and i can see the glow
that has darkened,
and i know that i stopped caring;
but never loving.
who am i now,
if i don't belong to you
or this longing i had for you?
now i am simply "recovered"
no healing process,
no hurt.
and yet i still think,
how can i write
about being through,
when it being there means i am only half way.
i know we don't hurt anymore,
but i wish we didn't hurt together.
Author notes
to the beat of my heart <3
now i'm really going to stop writing.
i hate my writing so hate on it too, this is the only way i can make sure i know how i felt about him at different times.
bleeh anyway i felt compelled to enter this contest, because it was nice to be invited, thanks (:
A contest entry
- see not the flame, know the artist, and understand blood. (invite only) by apples fell.
400 points, ended September 25, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
break it down.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I really enjoyed this poem. I really don't think you should stop writing because you are not fond of your writing. Your taste is one acquired and throughly enjoyed by myself and others. And we all know apples is picky with the poems he read, not in a bad way, but he doesn't typically comment unless he feels some connection with it. Which he obviously does. I'll admit it took my a long time before I enjoyed mine as well. I think you just need time to really understand it all; yourself better.Beautiful.
Best of Luck.
*clappy* *clappy* *clappy*
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i'm so grateful for you comment, it is something lovely to come back to and gave me a boost of confidence. thank you.
<3 -
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Oh, it is perfectly fine.
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i believe i liked the second stanza best. i think i've seen better from you.
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i believe so too.
thanks for your honesty, it's stuff like that i need (: -
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i expect the same from you towards my work. don't hesitate.
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Please don't stop writing. You're brilliant. I love this. It's amazing and I can really relate.
"you never really can pinpoint
a moment,
when you fell in love,
when you fell out of love,
when you began to care,
when you stopped caring."
This is so true. This is such a sad but beautiful piece. *bookmarking*
x
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(:
i have too. i just look at all my favs writing and i feel so inadequate, even without that i feel like my writing is so basic. i've written up three poems right now, which are just horrible. i think i just really want to take a break so i can stop feeling so less about my work, and come back with a better mentality.
i hope that makes sense lol.
<33333333 -
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I feel the same about my writing. I feel like I can't write like I used to anymore. Hopefully I'll get better at it someday.
♥
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"and always feels the warmth."
- "feel" would work better than "feels" here.
"and i can feel the glow"
- I think a word like "see" or something along those lines would work better than "feel"...as you just used that word, so I think you should change it to something else.
"or this longing i had for you?"
- Perhaps just cut the "i had for you"...As just saying "or this longing" with a question mark would have been fine, without over explaining.
"about being through" - That could be put on the line before as the separation from the "how can I write" was awkward.
"when it being there means i am only half way." - The "it" can go, I think...As it's just filler.
The last two lines are just haunting...Don't change them at all. And your first stanza is just excellent. As you can see, my only problems with the piece was with how some of the images sounded or were spaced. The expression itself is quite strong. You really should not hate your writing, as I think you are one of the best writers on this site...Or you would not have been on that list. Everyone has their own strengths and you have your own as well. But yes, that repetition in the first stanza of "when you" repeated in different ways, was just a great choice in terms of movement.
I really enjoyed this entry. I really did.
Thanks so much for the entry and good luck.
;
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hii,
i did try replying before but AP was being so funny with me, I agreed with the first part of your corrections and already changed them. Though as usual I disagree with you on some parts, but as always I appreciate the help.
Best of luck in your contest, I might not be around when you finish judging.
<3 -
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Well, I hope you decide to be around...
On another note, it's alright to disagree.
Where would we be if we didn't?
Glad I could be of help.
;
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