Well, What the Hell! I turned sixty, today
and things aren't going too well, I must say.
Of course, I've been down and out before,
and I cursed my wife when she walked out the door.
She took me to court and got a divorce
and took everything I had, of course.
I'm losing my house. I can't pay the bill.
All the stuff that I owned is now in 'Goodwill'.
The dog ran away; He was getting so thin.
I've been eating the dog-food instead of him.
My car, of course, went to my wife.
I'll be walking the pavements the rest of my life.
I looked to the heavens and offered a prayer.
A pigeon flew over and crapped on me there!
So, even God is pissed at me
for my tainted history!
But, screw it all! I've got company.
I met a bag lady who's been flirting with me.
She's been around the block before
and her odor don't bother me anymore.
She has a lot of commonsense
and teaches me things without pretense.
Good lines to use for begging cash
and things of value in the trash.
She shows me heated vestibules
and unattended swimming pools
where I can go to take a bath;
Ya know, I really have to laugh
at what my life, has now, become
but, I'm not mad at anyone
and I'll survive the coming years
begging change and drinking beers.
Alas, things will go good for me
as soon as I hit the lottery!
Author notes
A contest entry for:
10,000 LANDSLIDE HUMOR CONTESTS 9th of 10,
by Roaddog Wolf
Prompt: PUT YOURSELF IN THE PLACE OF A PERSON who is onery enough to be considered old, been through a lot of crap in your day, "yadda yadda...lost my house, my car, my dog and "my wife ran off with a Willis Shaw driver, yadda..." whatever, but you have been down before, but things are thin. You've become unable to pay you bills, your basically a trustworthy, good hearted soul, and there's nothing you can do about it; your going to loose the roof over your head, you'll have to find a place and a way to take everything you own wherever your going to store it, In otherwords, life is sucking the chrome off your toaster and making chromeless homeless bumper stickers, saying, "Love your toast"
.....SO TELL ME IN 10 -50 LINES OR THERE ABOUTS, TELL ME WHAT YOU'D DO?? THERE'S THE PROMPT
In a list
A contest entry
- 10,000 LANDSLIDE HUMOR CONTESTS 9th of 10, HELL OF A PROMPTI I have eitherstumbled precariously close to the very unstable line of mental health or this has got to be damn good prompt, take a look by Roaddog Wolf.
1800 points, ended September 5, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
I have a theory
know I could win the lottery just have to remember to buy the damn ticket. A great take on the prompt. Nicely crafted
LMAO an excellent read at this hour of the night or morning.Good luck in the contest.
-
this is great
One of the funnier poems I have read in some time and really down to the basic realities of life as some people find themselves facing, good write
thanks for entering the contest and good luck
...
-
This is so funny and a wonderful way
to look at your life even when you
think everything has gone wrong!
This is an enjoyable piece and good
luck to you in this contest!
Jeremy0826 -
You do have a lock on humor. I loved this. Good Luck!
-
Excellent. But what else am I to expect?
-
LMAO.....Oh my friend......there could never be anyone that is funnier than you!!!! You took the GOLD for the best humor from the very first time I read your work!! You only get better......Loving this!!! Best wishes...But you truly are the best......
-
Love it hun
Oh yes paints a great story in your fantastic humorous words.
The bag lady hehe..
Made me giggle
Best wishes in the contest hun
Julie
-
LMAO This contest was made for you! If anyone is the KING of humor, it's YOU! There is certainly no way of escaping a good laugh while reading your work!! Excellence my friend, pure excellence. I'd wish you luck, but hell, you don't even need it hehe
Knock em dead big guy!!! 
-
One of the best humorous writing pieces I have ever seen, this piece is tremendous!! The smooth rhyming, the rhythm, and the incredible amount of humor packed into this poem line after line come together to make this an amazing piece. Best of luck in the contest (though I doubt you'll need any luck to take this one.) My 3 little smiley's will stand and offer tribute to a brilliant poem.
-
LMAO!!!! I thought of you as soon as I saw this contest. You didn't let me down either. I knew if anyone could make me laugh it was you. Good luck.
-
lol, wow... you do put us to shame in rhyme and fame
in all the poetry you post in contests, you should be a winner here, good luck
Linda
-
Excellent
Oh my this is great. So very funny. A fantastic take on the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
