Shadows dancing in the night
Passions fire burning bright
Spinning minds, round and round
till we both hit the ground
Heart's break
don't care to mend
give me my cold
and I'll pretend
to love and adore
just so I can have
a little more
Darkness dances, spins in my heart
Winter's claws tear me apart
but I do not care, not this night
this sensual evil feels too damn right
Existence melts away
you're whispers, touch
makes it feel okay
I cannot care,
not anymore,
the past rubs me raw
sore
make it fade, Fire,
melt it away
Break my heart,
do it again,
so all the damage
can begin to mend
send me down,
spinning, broken,
to the ground
and when all's done
pick me up,
and we'll run...
away,
from the winter,
away.
Fires dancing,
shadows embrace,
break my heart
and take me, safe.
A contest entry
- Walking into the Darkness! by vampireblood.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
A woman, cold and broken,
Feeding the life and passion from another...
That is what I see.
More to it that I see,
But none more will I say.
Well done.
~Saint
-
... I found this wrong. I found this senseless. I found this cold.
But I still felt from it. Mew...
Niko, m'lady and sis... do not relinquish your heart so easily. It's practically all you have that matters at all.
-
Wow.
I loved this Niko.
And while I can admit to some poetry being good, I can honestly say I haven't read a piece like this in a while. I don't know why but I really really liked it... But as for honest opinion/critique, I caught two things:
"Shadows dancing in the night
Passions fire burning bright
Spinning minds, round and round
till we both hit the ground"
There's a catch in the rhythm at "round and round/till we both hit the ground" -- I'd change the wording a bit, I'm not too sure how though.
And
"Existence melts away
you're whispers, touch"
You're = your.
<3
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