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Guardian

Missing image

We never discussed
the nights she would sit
outside my bedroom

 

alone in a dark hallway
with a bottle between her knees,
her back pressed against
wood and silence

 

she smoked her cigarettes
and swallowed demons -

when morning came
and doors opened,
I would take her to bed,
unfold her fears with my hands

brush away the dust of tears
I never heard falling.

Author notes

Prompt: door

for my mother...

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 51 of 51
  • Topnotchsy
    July 30

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    Painful and touching. With your leaving I've been forced to find poems of yours that are no longer on your page to read your magical words.


  • deercatcher
    September 19, 2008

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    It is not healthy for support and incouragement to run from young child to parent. It should always run the other way, like rain to the flower, a river to the sea. But we cannot pick our circumstances and you grew compassion and understanding; You turned tradgedy into growth.


  • Sesheta
    September 8, 2008

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    What an interesting flow from the prompt to a slice of your heart...especially the last two lines.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    August 28, 2008

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    This is tragically sad, that a woman should live this way but you capture it with elegant grace. Best to you

  • HoneyedLis
    August 25, 2008

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    Great Piece

    My favorite line...

    she smoked her cigarettes
    and swallowed demons -

    This was beautiful..You made the point in exact imagery..Lovely


  • Malabu
    August 25, 2008

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    and this tugs at my heart strings...not only because i am a sensitive man...but because with emotions
    i can feel

    mal


  • paulcreates silver member
    August 24, 2008
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    P


  • Jade Allgood
    August 23, 2008

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    Moving

    I really feel a connection to this, it has brought up many forgotten images of my mother - keeping her demons bottled up for so long and using all the wrong things to keep them there. I never heard my mother's tears falling either...


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for reading...thank you for touching me, too. Love, Lane


  • justgot2loveme
    August 23, 2008

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    Oh My, This is so good,
    deeply written yet very touching.
    It's emotional and sad but also very tender.
    Very enjoyable to read.

    Justgot2loveme


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for reading my poetry. Love, Lane


  • Cup-a-Joe
    August 23, 2008
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    Nice entry Lane, real nice.
    Joe


  • sailor ptolema
    August 22, 2008

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    Fact: Lane, you are the best.

    Oh, the delicate innocence and ache in this....

    Meg

    `


  • sailor ptolema
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Fact: Lane, you are the best.

    Oh the delicate innocence and ache in this...

    ~Meg.


  • PerVirtuous
    August 22, 2008
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    Did you change the name of this?


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 22, 2008

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    I agree with Chez.. the voice here is so very personal, so very authentic and I can only imagine the child on the other side of the door. This one just pulls at the heart...and yes, it sings. Wonderful and meaningful poetry, Lane. Thank you for this entry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Cannonsfire
    August 22, 2008

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    I know how personal this one is and I know the ache you have still for her in your heart and this just sings a soulful tune C


  • Angelflower
    August 22, 2008

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    Such a powerful write.. It seems like words escape me for the first time in a long time.. so much emotion expressed in every word... full of heart and memory.. Thank you very much for sharing.. and best of luck in the contest. though.. I do believe that you do not need it


    Angel

    • Dalaney gold member
      August 22, 2008
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      Angel ~ What a wonderful comment you have left here for me. Thank you so very much for just taking the time to read my poem Love, Lane


  • Pure Thought silver member
    August 21, 2008
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    My Lady

    Your words enter my mind,
    settle in my heart
    and live in me eternally


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    August 21, 2008
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    "her back pressed against wood and silence"

    You nailed it, the memories, family legacies.


  • marc creamore
    August 21, 2008
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    Stop it girl . . . I am beginning to feel something very delicate breaking inside me!!!!!


  • malmadre gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    Lane, you can always grab our emotions, with stories of human frailty. Such realism, and tears do leave dust, a salty fine dust that would make tiny jewels if compressed.


  • BehindTheShadow
    August 21, 2008
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    Another great one. You are most certainly one of the best.


    • notorious
      August 21, 2008
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      That is SO true.


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008
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      thank you so much. i don't know if i deserve your sweet thoughts, but they are very appreciated. love, lane

  • notorious
    August 21, 2008

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    Bloody freaking hell

    I think this is one of your most powerful poems.
    Which is a bit of a bullshit compliment, because all your poems are powerful, even when they're not serious.
    How in the frick do you do that so effortlessly? Honestly, get published if you aren't already.

    I can't write anything flattering about your mother, and it seems like you can't either ...? LoL...well, this isn't an insulting portrait of your mother--it kind of creates sympathy for all her flaws, and that's amazing.

    I LOVE the prose-esque feel of your poems. It's just...so...poignant? Wish I had a better word to describe excellence in pure 100% forms.

    "We never discussed
    the nights she would sit
    outside my bedroom"
    Which is why you're writing about it...?
    LoL, I'll be serious. It's like you understand each other w/o speaking.

    "alone in a dark hallway
    with a bottle between her knees,"
    I can only assume that's alcohol with the 'bottle'. I love your simple choice of adjectives. e.g. dark They create vivid pictures w/o patronizing.

    "her back pressed against
    wood and silence"
    I love it whenever you use the word 'and'. It's always something literal (wood) & then something you can observe but no see (silence).

    "she smoked her cigarettes
    and swallowed demons -"
    See what I mean? Literal w. the cigarettes & unseen-but-observed with swallowing demons. I LOVE THIS. Your mom seems strong in a weak way. Or weak in a strong way. I dunno.

    You are an amazing poet Lane.

    "when morning came
    and doors opened,
    I would take her to bed,
    unfold her fears with my hands

    brush away the dust of tears
    I never heard falling."
    WOW. "I never heard falling" is such a twist, & it feels so true here.

    The word 'dust' is awesome.

    Love. Love. Love.
    Bookmarking.

    ,
    Jessica

    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      if there was an award to give for the best comments, you would get it. It is an honor for me to see you have read my work, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. love, lane


  • arafura gold member
    August 21, 2008
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    You really know how to touch people with your words. You are a true wordsmith.


  • Daizee silver member
    August 21, 2008

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    Reading your words just made me so emtpy inside. I love when words put to paper can bring so much emotion.

    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008
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      i think if we put aside all the pretense and worry about poetry and simply write what is in our hearts, then we will always touch someone sometime in our lives. Thank you for your very kind words. Love, Lane


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    when morning came
    and doors opened,
    I would take her to bed,
    unfold her fears with my hands

    brush away the dust of tears
    I never heard falling.


    sighhhh, just sighs, no words necessary



    len


    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008
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      there isn't a hug big enough to give you...but, i'll try
      love, Lane

  • PerVirtuous
    August 21, 2008

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    Does this mean what I think it does? That's the oddest guard dog I ever did hear of. I should trade mother stories with you. That would be fun. Let me ponder that. In the meantime, I wrote 9 comedy poems for contests in the last 24 hours (Somebody started 8 of them at once)and I'm shuffling some of Amera's reluctantly given bunnies to you.


  • Beating gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    oh wow! I don't know how you do it, but your words always affect me so much, and I feel really sad right now. Although I don't always comment your work, I've read everything you post on here, but I never really feel that I have anything constructive to say to you

    The picture you've painted of your mother in your latest poetry is ambivilant to me. Maybe it is to you too? I don't see her as a bad person nor as the typical loving mother. However, your love for her shines through the words!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 21, 2008
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    Och away... take my bunnies... take all of them... they're of no further use...



    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008
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      i will only take bunnies if you come with them Love, Lane


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    August 21, 2008
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    *sigh*


    With much love,
    mj.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    You paint melancholy remembrance better than any other poet, alive or dead.
    You leave my head full of words, and make me want to write things.


  • daviscth silver member
    August 21, 2008

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    If I could only write like you Lane. But I think most of this site feels the same way. This is awesome.

    • Dalaney gold member
      August 21, 2008
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      you write like Cathy...and thank God for that because I would hate to miss out on the poetry that makes me smile. Love, Lane


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      August 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You said it.

1 - 51 of 51