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Beyond the grave

With willow roots and turf we intertwine;
Your eyes have locked us to this long embrace;
Your happiness in death is also mine.

Cold rain now spilling over, just as wine
Would flood my heart's confined and narrow space;

With willow roots and turf we intertwine.

And you and I here lie to life define
In ways too intricate to tread and trace;

Your happiness in death is also mine.

Joy sings above that heeds no bourn nor line,
Nor limits you to this, your golden grace;

With willow roots and turf we intertwine.

And through life’s years will love, e’er death, refine.
When neatly planted in this single place,
Your happiness in death is also mine.

Think on your nuptial vows, and mine, combine
Where fabric of love may weave its fragile lace.
With willow roots and turf we intertwine.
Your happiness in death is also mine!


Author notes

This villanelle attempts to have the second line of each stanza speak to line one. I have preserved iambic pentameters. I have preserved the strictness of two rhymes and of line repetition.

A contest entry

Please critique.

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • catz Moderators member
    September 20, 2008
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    This is so beautiful !! Your poem and form fit together as though they were made for each other (and of course they are)

    "Your happiness in death is also mine" What a lovely meaningful line, well worth repeating

    I really enjoyed this superb poem

    Dee


    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Dee

      I do really thank you for your thoughtful and praiseworthy comments which mean much to me.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    August 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, I read this upon completing my own entry
    to find you delve into the same subject matter,
    but from a different direction. You find life
    beyond the binds of death while I found decay
    amidst the living of everyday. The metaphor is
    phenomenal and the language is applied with skill
    to become an ageless rendition of love vowed.
    Blue

    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      It is so sweet of you to call

      in unalloyed friendship.
      You probably helped me get a "green".
      Thanks.


  • Peteskid gold member
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A melodic villanelle, such skillfully chosen words to give mood and character to the poetry, and blended into a smooth mixture is a resonant afterthought to the first line of the stanzas, metaphoric, imagery, but always quite poetic. The overall flow and meaning is wonderful. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK


    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Pk

      How thoughtful of you to give such a fine critique. It is very much appreciated, Ron.


  • Sandal
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We had better enjoy life, because as they say, "you're a long time dead." Mementa mori have always served to focus our attention back on life; grave thoughts to appreciate joy.
    I like the poetic phrases which fruit in the middle lines. You could consider varying the punctuation of the repeated lines for better flow.

    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Dear Sandal

      Thank you for your perspicacious advice.


  • Kappa Pyua
    August 21, 2008

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    Kewl

    This is very well done. I'm sure Amera would highly approve. She's like a sensei to me. She pushes me to do my best. This here is REALLY good. Flows good, but I really like the meaning and emotion put into it. Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing. UNT

    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I hope Amera would approve.

      I am sure that she would.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful Villanelle, yet it brings such feelings of sadness; endings instead of beginnings.

    Your form is perfectly executed. - but you knew that and your use of older and archaic words add so much to the tone and elegance of this Villanelle. I love it.

    Your intertwined definitions are beautifully subtle and wonderfully laced within this theme.

    Wouldn't change a single word as the song is fluent and delightful. A pleasure to read and enjoy. ~Pamela

    • Lyndon gold member
      October 1, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Dear Pamela

      You are most generous yet genuine in your critique. Bless you.

1 - 12 of 12