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Poetic Elegy

wayward soul
mocked by false sun's smile

withering...

writing symphonys hope
beneath daydreams-
   
her foundation

Author notes


[Lyrics Line Prompt]
Your Prompt is: Lyrics Line Below

And the sun will set for you-
from Linkin Park- Shadow of the Day
song: YouTube

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Desire gold member
    January 29
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    Welcome Back!!

    Thank You for sharing Your Words of Wisdom~

    I'm Blessed to read Your verse again~
    Honored to have You enter~
    Many blessings to You in my contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes & judging will be done shortly
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~

  • Desire gold member
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank You!!

    Thank You for Your entry: Poetic Elegy
    This piece tugged hard at Spirit and while I was reading which I do several times~ Images come to me in many forms~ while taking in Your words: mocked by false sun's smile- Powerful beginning and ending for some reason I am shown a person walking on a bridge- over water with head down- now this feels as if there was a lay off- a change in status which could affect self-esteem from what I am being shown~ read Your words again and was seeing like the hollowed center of what appears to be a bamboo shoot- and for some reason when I got to: chanting symphonys hope- I kept hearing song: Requiem of a Dream- also last line I'm shown the sharp point of the quill- and it being shaken angrily- out of ink- -However this to be interpreted Whether metaphor or symbolism
    Hopefully this makes some sense~
    Excellent take on the prompt ~
    Powerful images & message You have brought forth

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent also Voice!
    Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    **Judging will be done shortly...
    Many blessings too
    and much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Age of Rain
    August 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I felt that your start was rather cliche. Also 'weeping tears' is somewhat redundant. Most people weep tears, though you could always say it was something else.

    After that,

    'mocked by false sun's smile'

    is a wonderful line. Great personification

    'bitterness-
    her signature'

    I also adored this. A shaky start into an awesome end. Well done.


  • Malabu
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow tatts..cant wait...
    whaaaah