Through all my life
there have been whispers,
of whims and circled hopes.
The laugh of yesterday
never seemed so feeble.
Heat that seems so weak
compared to these moments.
Happiness that had no meaning,
now takes a life of its own,
with every breath,
every thought,
and every moment,
it lives inside of me.
And now,
I cannot imagine
anything else.
Author notes
I never expected to know love, but now I do, I cannot even remember how anything else felt before it.
Chocoholic156
A contest entry
- Hopeless Romantics by N.W. Clerk.
1200 points, ended September 6, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by OldBear34.
450 points, ended October 7, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Poems Ever by Scion.
900 points, ended October 27, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me how much you love... by Nidaeah.
1000 points, ended October 31, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - True Love by DawnKestrel.
1050 points, ended November 4, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My other half by Angelo di Luce.
400 points, ended November 21, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? How can I improve? What was your least favorite part? Your favorite?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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It`s always the first time as they say
It shows and you expressed your feelings so well in this write
best of luck, in the contest -
Good job!
Good luck in my contest.
-
Lovely
Thank you for entering. Best of luck -
you convey a very everyday theme with a very creative medium. I like the freewrite and the great imagery. You make me smile with your sincerity and your intent.
You say what you have to say, one line at a time without any account of duplicity or flatness.
There is one part where I was a little fuzzy on what you meant:
"Heat that seems so weak
compared to these moments." - Doeas this have to do with some sexual reference? I wasn't quite sure.
Your punctuation and grammar are great! A little overuse is apparent, but a bit of editing and polishing would complete this thing. Thank you for a heartfelt entry- this poem must mean a lot to you. Cheers, Scion
Score:
Rules-9
Title-8.5
Theme-8.6
Structure-8.3
Uniqueness-8.3
Grammar-8.7
Total-51.4 -
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Thank you!
Heat that seems so weak
compared to these moments.
It wasn't supposed to be sexual, it was just sort of everyday feelings of heat in a summer day. -
Thank you!
Heat that seems so weak
compared to these moments.
It wasn't supposed to be sexual, it was just sort of everyday feelings of heat in a summer day.
-
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It was subtle!
You aptly describe either a new love or an infatuation; the way it takes on a compelling life of its own having little to do with reason or previous feelings. I like all of it.
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