so paint me purple
& cover me in shooting stars
hold my words closer to my mouth
because right now they’re spitting sparks
from being overworked in conversing with you.
I was just a brilliant waste of space
-for you to take down
into the ground-
you gave me bouquets of incense
so I was able to feel the tension
drain away from my fingertips
while opening the ruby-red ribbons
and baby-blue bows.
[and when you unlaced my fingertips
the tension slowly creeped back in]
you showered me with black peace signs
& white rainbows
while shading the rest of the world in grey,
when I envisioned a world filled with color
all you gave me was an emptiness and a shadow
of the past.
when I said ‘hold me’ you clasped my thumb
like a little child, lost and alone.
[all you were looking for was comfort from the cold]
You gently pulled down my eyelids
& told me to sleep
you said you’d watch over me
you were my guardian angel.
[but I woke up in the morning
surrounded by shattered mirrors, broken glass
& a slight indent in the chair you sat in]
you left while I was sober
& when you came back
my eyes were glazed with emptiness
[so you returned with a cold drink
& a shovel to steal my heart while I wasn’t looking.]
that shovel was used for more than just heart-stealing
we used it to shovel down secrets and distractions
-down each other’s throats
in hopes that the other would forget
all the vacant expressions and blank star(e)s-
[but I was more than a memory;
I was a cheap way to live]
& I was just a footstool for you,
your hold on reality
when the lights turned off
-in your face-
nothing but a excavated secret
that’s been dug up and left alone.
I shouldn’t have been born
my life has just been a broken cassette
with a million scratches on it
so scraped with hurt
that it couldn’t even run on reverse
without creating a terrible
click click, screech,
[reminding me of the time I lost control
of the wheel of life
& went spiraling down into the depths of disaster]
baby, you caused all this
so don’t worry about your life
you’re just the puppeteer
while I flail around like a dying goldfish
-beneath your feet-
& my vision is the last thing to go;
your face is the last thing I see.
Author notes
Contest The Best of AP by ageofdarkpoets
In a list
- honorable mention; • next in list
- silver; • next in list
- gold; • next in list
- bronze; • next in list
A contest entry
- Another Dirty-Pretty Contest. ♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 6, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - personal poetry. ❤ by aanika.
1147 points, ended September 13, 2008, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites? Sure! by xCandieKissesx.
300 points, ended August 29, 2008, 41 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your GOLD or SILVER prewrites here!! by perfectsunset.
400 points, ended November 6, 2008, 50 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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"you gave me bouquets of incense
so I was able to feel the tension
drain away from my fingertips
while opening the ruby-red ribbons
and baby-blue bows."
Aww, dying goldfish. That's so sad.
*sniffle*
This was so raw and vibrant... I don't even have the words to comment on this one!
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thanks lovely <33
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This was obviously written with wonderful emotions and powerful imagery's. =] Thank you for the entry and good luck.
x-Pretty-Odd-x <3 -
The emotion of this piece truly takes the reader on a trip, it brings them from one emotion to another-rocking their world, as one might say.
It truly shows your feelings as time goes/went on,
Please always enjoy writing poetry.
Jeff. -
interesting write.. wonderful emotion and thoughts. thank you for entering
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Wow this was so beautiful. So much depth and emotion is embraced within & you really poured your heart out here. Truly a wonderful piece, so real & genuine thoughts.
Thanks for entering -
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wow thanks so much for the silver
♥
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hold my words closer to my mouth
because right now they’re spitting sparks
from being overworked in conversing with you.
I was just a brilliant waste of space
-for you to take down
into the ground-
nice!
love the imagery,
not sure I understand the spacing,
care to explain?
love the write though emu.
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what do you mean with the spacing?
like the double spacing b/w some lines or something else?
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nono, I understand the double spacing,
it's for emphasis.
I mean how the structure is,
like how there's like five spaces before one line
and then two before the next :|
maybe there's a reason
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well it actually worked better on word.. and when i pasted it into this the spaces went kinda retarded..
but its still basically the same thing ..kinda..
anyways. it looks pretty lmfaao
and emphasis.. the stuff thats further out to me seems more intense cause its more in the middle and its supposed to hit harder etc..
but i unno if it worked haha.
basically to look pretty :]
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i like your title...
actually there seem to be several seperate poems in
itself within this one poem.
If you seperated them and made them shorter, you could
really capture and captivate with the your simile's of
meaning. Air..is important in poetry. Many styles
sing out in your poem.
I loved it!
ears/Seattle
take a peek at Immortal Obscurity...i hear her style
in you too! she is enormously talented!
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i like this... ver good use of color and imager
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beautiful poem, i love the idea, great job
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I AM COMMENTING THIS AS YOUR FRIEND, NOT AS THE CONTEST JUDGE.
I will comment more critically later, when I get around to commenting all entries.
'so paint me purple
& cover me in shooting stars'
beautiful imagery
and .. yes I know you love the colour purple.
' while opening the ruby-red ribbons
and baby-blue bows.'
very nice alliteration. (: you use poetic devices well.
'you showered me with black peace signs
& white rainbows
while shading the rest of the world in grey,'
I love the idea of it being raining peace signs
' we used it too shovel down secrets and distractions
-down each other’s throats
in hopes that the other will forget
all the vacant expressions and blank star(e)s-
[but I was more than a memory;
I was a cheap way to live]'
very pretty ideas in there,
but 'too' in the first line should be 'to'
and 'will' in the third line should be 'would'.
I <3 'blank star(e)s'
' while I flail around like a dying goldfish
-beneath your feat-'
'feat' should be 'feet' unless you're going for some strange double-meaning in which case, okay but I don't like it haha.
love the ending, hits like a punch to the face.
wooooh.
<3 -
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thanksss
but i wanna read your critical comment
so hurry and do everyone elses pleasethanks.
and thanks for catching the mistakes
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