star:
shone neatly on my fingerprints
carving valleys into skin
and rivers of sweaty palms
irrigate
your shirt.
earthquake rocks each button
until all are broken
and you smile,
making rainbows out of night dust.
I
catch each wish in a jar
and save each kiss for later.
for now,
journey goes unlighted as
you flick off the moon -
only an oaf falls off a cliff;
my only hope, your
star.
~~~
Author notes
critical critiques please. :]
A contest entry
- Invite Only! by Age of Rain.
1750 points, ended September 11, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
what a gorgeous metaphor! this is interesting and hold my attention. 'irrigate your shirt' lovely. A very good piece!
-
Whimsical indeed ...
and an intriguing write.
I must be an oaf because I've fallen off of a lot of cliffs in my time. Fortunately, you've got more time to not make mistakes in.
-
making rainbows out of night dust." what a beautiful verse. It's really poetic and I'd steal it if I could
-
This is beautiful and I can't think of a single word I'd change. I'm not much of a free verse writer but I know what I like and this is wonderful.
Love,
Amera
-
Unable to be critical, this is beautiful as always, geat imagery and flow.
-
Well Done
You have penned a great poem as always, make you old dad proud, keep writing
-
wow!
this is stunning!i like the imagery here, and the words you've used brought this poem alive! flow was great, keep penning!
loved this!
-
i love this, its so beautiful, and the ending was perfect. good luck in the contest and take care
Stephanie ♥
-
i really like the way that you wrote this
it was very intrging
llove it se\weetness
love you
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
