"Dot?"
"No, I'm Madge, Dot's de odder girl."
She says it, "Dat,"
her face pudgywarmbreaddoughsoft,
a slim smile.
"Dat, she grew up back da road
on da way to SinAntney's.
Use ta take two days ta get ta town
but now dere's snowmobiles
and 4 x 4s and da grader
clears da road ever day anyhow.
Didn't use ta be no road.
She don't remember much her Da,
his whiskers
and da screech on his breat
when he come in from da fishboat.
Best times was when da float ice come in,
da boys come hollerin'
and all da men, dey took to da boats
and all da women fretted and hoped
dere'd be a good catch
and da men'd come back.
Cos some a dem didn't ya know,
da storm'd come up, da bergy bits'd toss 'em
into da sea, and dere was no gettin back on, no.
Her Da, he went like dat, he did.
Dat sea, when her skin get tin,
ain't no way ta knows who'll win -
da seal, maybe, but not da man."
Author notes
ode to a Newfoundlander
A contest entry
- Glass Skin - by Invitation by jantastic.
3523 points, ended September 1, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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heh, this reminds me of a contest you (or someone close to you) had with the theme being 'dialogue'. it's poems like this that make me realize why my entry in that contest sucked so badly
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This is a great evocation of a character, but created by the speech of that person and the barest of details. The face can betray so much of a person's characteristics and you seemed to pick just those essential ones. Writing in dialect is never easy and not often convincing, but you managed it. This is a believable character and you convey so much of her life and concerns in so few lines, remarkable. That last stanza has a wonderful philosophical quality to conclude your poem, it leaves an echo in the ear. Congratulations on the gold.
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We were remembering this poem tonight. It has pathos that sticks.
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Fantastic and so worthy of the gold. Trust it that only you can make something this ingenius!
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...says she, the most ingenious of all! Thanks, you silly.
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Congratulations zara.
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To you too, Zayra, and thank you.
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Told ya this was a winner (though I had Ed first). Now buff it up and get it to that Fiddlehead place that is over here on the East coast.
or do something with it before it sits too long.
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You're right, if it sits, it gets old.
I thought Ed's would be the winner, too; I love his poem.
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buzzing with energy that poem is right now. in the words of Lute "yup"
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congrats!
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Thanks, Liza. Surprised!
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welcome. I'm not
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Yanno before we moved we had a neighbour across the street we affectionately called "down dere Dave" he was from down dere and if you got him t'drinkin'... the accent got thicker...
I imagine there must have been some work to ensure the consistency was in this one. You have always presented great ideas and thoughts about poetry and writing to me and encouraged me (sometimes without knowing it I'm sure) to stretch and consider different things in the art. You've done it again here. And of course being Canuck and all I love a well done truly Canadian poem.
Kudos to you.
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Being South African and Afrikaans-speaking on top of that I don't think I can do this poem justice BUT I do know different cultures and voices and dialects and I think you've done very well here to capture the music of this way of speaking! I so enjoyed this.
~ Nicolette
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dis little diddy
is kewl
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this is just wonderful.... absolutely..
you capture their 'voice' completely in my ear, but even more the culture... not that I've been back there, close but not quite, I only made it as far New Brunswick but I've known some 'Newfies' ( slap me for that ) in my time, and they really are a world apart from just about everyone else ( that extra half hour must do something )
and the sound in this is enviable ... as it's music when read in my head or aloud and I am NOT going to critique it because I swear ..that would lessen the magic..
I envy this one.. on a few levels ...and I can say, it's the first time I've found myself captured by something uniquely Canadian..and wishing there was more.
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Thanks, Liza. I tell you, it was a bugger trying to get the accent when we were there, but once it got in, I've found it hard to shake. Really, I should have said "hoice," not ice, but who would have understood that?
There was a guy at the counter at a gas station, middle of nowhere, spoke about 3 sentences and the woman behind the counter responded, but I swear I didn't catch a word. St. John's they tone it down a little, but out in the boonies, man!
Anyhow, what you said made me feel really good, so thank you.
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<
Thanks, Mary. So...what's a poem?
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oh hey
i was thinking (can you tell I like this) -- maybe your title or something can be:
Dot, ode to a Newfoundlander
you know - i think this is a really good poem, Anne. I'm glad you gave yourself permission to not write.
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Yeah, the title isn't there yet. It'll come.
Thanks - bastard came and bit me on the arse.
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I should remark that I believe this is a poem you have written you have written--however it may be defined, you endeaver to encapsulate soul, heart, spirit--you strive
and unfold, reveal--
sometimes we can ask no more of a poem, and in truth, the poem can give us nothing more, that is, a glimpse of ourselves. -
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you da bomb
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please do not revise this pomer. thank you. you may revise the next til your hearts content.
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yessir
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This is a great risk to take. Good for you. I think, for, me I could use a slight clarification about who the She is -- but that is simple edit and maybe it is just me.
For example:
"You know Dot she grew up ..."
or however a NewFie would say it. or something better that you come up with or again, maybe I'm just dumb.
I especially like the opening -- it is like being thrust right into the experience. And that is what we need to see (IMHO) more from poems, opportunity to for Reader experience instead of journaling writer experiences. The difference is, I suppose in the craft. You done good.
Welcome home. And after thinking about it -- why wouldn't you send it to that guy who amassed those poems? It is certainly good enough.
Lisa
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Thanks, Lisa. Added her name - that better?
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Yes. For me.
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I think it's really hard to write in colloquial speech and get it to come out well.. as sometimes the tranlatory ability of the reader can become slightly askew when trying to read, understand and enjoy the poem..
but your piece comes out well as this is so close to Lancashire, the dialect and vernacular suit my mind and understanding.. mind you, it's not surprising to me as many folks from Lancashire did emigrate to Canada back in the days when it was all the rage to do the emigration thing, so the cross-over of language and patterns works well
loved this one miss z...
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They say it's kind of like a Yorkshire dialect, but I'm not familiar with Yorkshire, so I wouldn't know. Newfoundland dialect is SO hard even to speak; we'd drive along listening to talkshow radio and echo phrases, trying to master it. My guess is that each reader will hear their own version, but that's ok, as long as it works - thanks so much, Gill.
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Thanks, James. Yes, I remember reading some of Becky's dialect work years ago - she's a master.
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She truly is...But I don't think you are
far from that genius dialect yourself.
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What a great play on language here. I don't know if you have read a piece on here by a poet named "symitar"...But she did something similar, but with a very southern tone. I'll see if I can find the link and share it with you here. My father has a very laid back way of speaking, not quite like this of course...And my mother is a teacher, so she always tries to sound like an english professor so...She would be more sensitive to the sound words make then my father. I admit, one must read this quite slowly to take it all in, and I know how hard it is to illustrate this type of voice on paper...Well, in this case, the monitor. I heard the way the words were pronounced, but others, not so well...After all, I speak exactly like everyone else here in MA and it is all quite common, really. I really enjoyed this Zara. It certainly woke my eyes and brain up.
;
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da bearss
my grandma says "holler" and my dad too, occasionally. They say "yous". Da bode a yuss. I love to hear my grandma tell stories of the old days. Every old person should make a movie, a period piece with outhouses and coal and shovels.
I like this kind of ting, da dialect. It's hard to do. I can't really hear it right because I've never heard a newfoundlander speak it. Must be something like the folks up in Green Bay.
Like the rhymey ting at the end too.
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Yeah, "yous." First thing we noticed.
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