I revolved around you,
you were my world and I was just a lowly satellite
but you turned down your gravity
and I started spinning out of control.
crashing into everything within my orbit.
I couldn't figure out why,
you only let me come to you at night
and told me to leave again in the morning
until I realized that in the day
your orbit collided with hers and not with mine
You threaded truths onto my skin
and threw at me a multitude of promises
but your truths and promises
were just lies in disguise
and I was too dense too notice
[or I was in a state of full-blown denial]
We sat like statues under the old oak tree
and when I blinked in reverse
I experienced your wrath
because for you, I wasn’t motionless enough
or sufficiently perfect.
You handed me dynamite
that you coated with five inches of bittersweet chocolate.
You assumed that I was just as shallow as you,
but I knew that I should look under the surface this time
that's why I had to let you go
so the bomb exploded in your face, not mine.
Like a chain reaction
that was stopped too soon
you told me we were finished
so I put my fingers in my ears
[or was it my mouth]
to stop myself from listening
but I wasn’t fast enough
and you were already gone.
Author notes
mesmerized--x
option 1: picture
http://et0ileuh-magic.deviantart.com/art/CINDERELLA-53778426
In a list
A contest entry
- Lots Of Options by stargazer..
525 points, ended December 27, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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faded silohoutte
Its fantastic,I really related to it,best poem I have read on this site. -
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wow thanks
i dont know if i can really agree with the whole 'best poem' thing tho
but ya, im glad you liked it
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Your writing style reminds me of Aanika, but not exactly. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure one of her poems ended with "& you were already gone" (or something similar to that). I'm not surprised that your writing styles/subjects would be similar, since you two are best friends.
I love your title & how it's not mentioned at all within the poem--I think titles are better if they're not found in the poem.
I think you use too many gerunds, or words that end in -ing.
"We sat like statues under the old oak tree
and when I blinked in reverse
I experienced your wrath
because for you, I wasn’t motionless enough
or sufficiently perfect ."<--shouldn't be a space in between perfect's 't' & the period.
My favorite part, inevitably because of how well...unique it is. It sounds like the guy wanted you to be his freaking Barbie doll.
Good luck
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but you turned down your gravity
and I started spinning out of control.
crashing into everything within my orbit.
oooh pretty.
I love everything to do with stars and planets and such
so yay
nice write emu.
& good luckkk
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thankss ily. :]
but i dont like it that much
*sigh*
i havent been able to write anything i like recently..
♥♥
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