I never thought it was the last of a lifetime.
Everything is backwards; I've been dead for so long, its birth has been forgotten.
I hear the echo of empty hearts talking, leading one another into temptation; where candles burn low at the windows to their souls. Life is empty & death is over-filled. The expansion of Hell is a migraine, and the entrance to Heaven is sealed with unforgiveness.
Not the largesse upon my chest, but it's benevolence. The lavalier has many stories, but one unparticular, having existed through time & space with physical restraints. It swam depths only to return cold and coiled with its mark on posterity.
Today shall be the last. I don't want to see what tomorrow looks like because chances are it looks like yesterday, and yesterday looked like last month, and last month looked like last year, and last year was a deja vu of ominous familiarity.
I need the hand of G-D, a right for all the wrongs. Habitually, Belial's glacier-like palpation scathes warmth upon my flesh.
I will take my everything away the very first chance I get. Hate me if you wish, I am consumed... I can deal with that. I am shadow, and nothing can touch my heart but unrelenting sorrow.
Had I known it was to be the last embrace... I would've stopped time thus forfending change.
Alas,
('tis a story I can not rewrite)
The future is the past...
...hollow and empty,
and I am an eggshell... easily crushed - by the light.
By Jaye Eryk
Copyright 2008
A contest entry
- great pieces that never got enough recognition by unraveled.
700 points, ended November 9, 2008, 35 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
A beautiful medley of emotion... I would have to say my favorite section is the one talking about how yesterday looks like last month, etc. I found it to be clearly expressed and uniquely phrased. The section before that I think is more wordy than necessary, but still has good ideas.
I also like the line "The expansion of Hell is a migraine, and the entrance to Heaven is sealed with unforgiveness." I feel like it's something you could quote.
This is indeed a great piece without much recognition. The ending is... perfect. I loved it.
I'm sorry I wasn't more thorough, but thank you for this
-
so sad!!!
this shows lots of sadness..i felt very sad reading,as if i was apart of this darkness that lives within this writing...i felt the need of crying! very sad!!!
juliet
-
Powerful Twin Poe
You know easily how to express such brilliance upon your painful poetic page. You know of such sorrows, you write what you have lived, felt, breathed, and will be. How I wish we could change yesterday, for tomorrow is much more of the same burning 9th degree pang. Never know which way the wind blows, but sometimes I'm so certain that it repeats the empty breaths of jigsaw puzzled patterns of the gray paths of storm clouds before. I can at-least understand it sometimes, as each degree burns deeper into the depth of my hollow soul.
PW
-
Okay, so I like how your title isn't mentioned AT ALL in your poem. It's always cooler that way.
"Everything is backwards; I've been dead for so long, its birth has been forgotten."
Oh, your signature morbidity (I'm just teasing) is always so much fun to read & it feels original every time...the feeling of everything being backwards...'tis a cool concept, if not one I want to feel.
"I hear the echo of empty hearts talking, leading one another into temptation; where candles burn low at the windows to their souls."
Honestly, this makes me think of a bunch of shallow ass harlots.
LoL!!! As always, love your imagery & "empty hearts talking" is the one that makes me think of shallow people or maybe deprived-of-love people.
'low' & 'windows' is some kick-ass (intentional???) rhyme.
"Life is empty & death is over-filled."
Why does this make me think of yin & yang? My mind is rather effed up...
I think this poem sums up your poem very succinctly. 'overfilled' doesn't need a hyphen as a word...for your poetic license...maybe it does???
LoL, I don't see how a hyphen in between could have a different meaning, but hey, it's you. I don't have to understand to enjoy it.
"The expansion of Hell is a migraine,"
Adore that...'expansion' is a cool & simple word & comparing Hell to a migraine is cleverly done. Pain anyone?!! LoL
"and the entrance to Heaven is sealed with unforgiveness."
If you say so...I consider Starbucks heaven in a trite kind of way.
'largesse'<--'tis a cool word my friend
But...you always use a dictionary of cool words, but never so many that I feel patronized.
Which is, of course good.
'lavalier'
Where in the hell do you find such groovy words?
And what does this mean?
"an ornamental pendant, usually jeweled, worn on a chain around the neck."
That's what dictionary.com/ gave me (I made a new tab just to find out...LMAO)
Very cool.
"Today shall be the last."
No, no suicide for you!! LoL, this is poignant.
"deja vu of ominous familiarity."
This makes me think of The Matrix (a compliment from me...don't know if you'll take it as a compliment
) & how depressing you are...
Makes for VERY good lines in poetry, if you ask me.
"hand of G-D"
Now the obvious interpretation is God...the 'o' has been left out intentionally for...well, some reason I don't know!!
"I will take my everything away the very first chance I get."
Strikes me as suicidal.
"Hate me if you wish,"
Hell no!
"I am shadow, and nothing can touch my heart but unrelenting sorrow."
Shadows are always used in such a depressing way...but this works.
"and I am an eggshell... easily crushed - by the light."
LOVE!!! Freaking awesome ending...eggshells are really cool, ya know. "easily crushed" conveys your emotions well & "by the light" makes me think of...well, happiness. Or lack of happiness...or not wanting to accept happiness.
Grr, I wish I could do brief comments, but meh...I can't when it's this good.
-
J.
I am never disappointed when I visit. I don't even know where to start. Your beginning sets the pace, and gives such a twisted view, a view that for a moment is sparkling in its clarity, yet fades into another dismal nightmare, shadowed by none other than Belial himself orchestrating this never ending loop.
the lavalier has many stories
I see this cold yet brilliant stone, floating to the bottom of the ocean hitting with a thud carrying an eerie glow, just waiting to be found, so it can carry on its prophesy.
Your ending, is brilliant leaving the reader (me) emotionally wasted. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Another favorite...
~E.
-
-
belial is just a representation of the devil (whom i'm not entirely convinced is 'male')
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
