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Close Your Eyes

patience dear,
its coming soon,
so soon,
dripping through your lips.
feel the sense,
pulsating against your hips,
drag you down against the sheets,
smile when our eyes meet,
rest your head,
go to sleep,
i won't wake you,
I'll keep you,
locked away,
deeper and deeper,
somewhere eternal day,
cannot disrupt this night.
you have no discretion,
no direction,
just be who you want to be,
humor me,
give in to the exstacy.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • oktiggerknowsbest
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great write!

    Great write. I love the imagery and description. I also like how the ends of the lines shorten and lengthen throughout the poem also adding to the eb and flow of the poem. It seemed as if time was slowing for you and the one you were with causing the 2 of you to be able to have a long night together giving each other passion and ecstasy throughout the entire night.

    On the other hand: I think you meant to spell "agianst" as "against" in the line that reads "drag you down agianst the sheets," I may be wrong though. I also think in the line "give in to the exstacy" you meant to type "ecstasy" instead.

    Best of luck in this contest.


    • Gay-Militant
      August 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      actually i changed it to exstacy because thats the slang spelling for the drug, so i figured it would give its own intoxication to the piece. lmao
      but you're right about "agianst"*hurries to change it.*

      (spelling isn't my forte)


  • sora.
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    pilfering from the previous comment... (im so terribly unoriginal =P) this was INTENSE.
    it was still giving me goosebumps the third time i read it.. o_0
    greeeeat work.
    =D


  • TheGangstress
    August 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is intense Dirty, but in a tasteful way. Great (GREAT!) imagery, this was a very enjoyable read. Except, being me, I gotta point out that you spelled ecstasy wrong. Good rhyme scheme too. I'm not sure if there was a set pattern or not, but even if it was random or unintentional, it was put in the right places. Nice flow and proficient word choice. Very well done, overall. Solid A.