By a tree trunk near a river with your head upon her lap
Eating grapes and singing sonnets to the sky
When your lover strokes your forehead and you're happy in the trap
You gaze upwards as her beauty fills each eye
There is nothing in the language that can paint a sweeter scene
Than two lovers wrapped in love songs on a bank of dappled green
Falling gently into passion with the only girl for you
Feeling kisses softly falling on your face
Holding hands and squeezing fingers finding pleasures just for two
Knowing love is all around you in that place
While the mallards with their ducklings dabble madly in the stream
You are losing inhibitions and you know you'll have to scream
When the sonnets are recited and the free verse has been sung
And a Villanelle is all that's left to read
You will find that in your dreamland there's a trigger that's been sprung
And it seems you've found the answer to each need
Now the poet and his mistress find their love is here to stay
And in dreams of gentle romance you'll be lying here each day
After hours of growing closer while the Sun is high above
It is time the Moon intruded on the tryst
And two poets wander homeward in each other and in love
Just two lovers who discovered they'd been kissed
By the magic in the verses and the waters flowing by
You'll be locked in love forever never parting 'til you die.
A contest entry
- lovelovelove! ^-^ by sora..
700 points, ended September 3, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Romantic
Romantic write. I like how you use romance and describe the touching while falling for each other.
On another note however, I feel that it drags along. The rhyme scheme seems to be a bit forced and thoughts seem to be choppy in between stanzas.
I found the rhythm to be inconsistent and jumping between different rhythms.
Good write otherwise. -
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Try reading it in three and four beat feet.
By a tree trunk | near a river | with your head | upon her lap
Eating grapes and | singing sonnets | to the sky
If you keep going like that I think you will find it works. A ballad meter (three and four bar lines) but with stretched feet.
On the other hand, not every one has to like it
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*wistful sigh*
ahh this is, simply, blissful.
the imagery is amazing.
^-^
great work! -
This is perfection ... the scene you set, the words, even the ducks are cute ... well done.
Definitely an ode to love
-
THIS Mistress is rolling her eyes and saying, "Jings aw michty - he's at it AGAIN!"
On parade this morning are Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail. You're Peter.
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THIS Mistress is smiling
for all should feel the love
and passion within this one.
The usage of poetry forms
was interesting, kind of threw it
for me some but the rest made up
for it.
Great job
Love you
Passions
best of luck in the contest
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