A parched throat, and tired hands
struggling, thrashing moments
just to sip the condensation
of an empty glass
then it flees from needy hands
and breaks on you
Then a point, a boundary the deadly edge of exhaustion,
comes out and strangles you of feeling.
where you're too thirsty to drink
and too dead tired to actually die
So the next best thing, is to just
UGH
Ugh the day away,
aimlessly hoping for the cup to fill full.
~Ugh~
Author notes
soulfulbubbles
i have terrible headache i feel blah >.<
i might come back and fix this up some cuz its kinda sucky right now
but i cant do anything right now.. fill like crud
A contest entry
- Running On Empty by Touchof1der.
600 points, ended August 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please? and thank you...
Comments
-
I know what it feels like to have that longing for "fullness". Best of luck to you in the contest. I appreciate your taking the time and making the effort to enter. I hope it proved to be an enjoyable experience and challenge for you.
♥ Touchof1der -
If you're not happy with it, them fix it! There is a lot of good stuff in this and a few edits are all that it would take to make this a winner, in one dog's opinion at least. I liked the way it is presented and how the story unfolds. It hits the mark with the prompt. Clean up your typos (the second stanza contains at least three). Read through it and you will see them. I hope the headache is better!
~woof
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meow!
where are the typos? ill fix em now -
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Looks like you found most of them. I knew you would!
Lastly is L3, you want "you're".
~woof
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