His lips were practiced to a crude alchemy;
blending the tin foil tilt of his voice
to the Neon ire that sloped
down her hardened breath.
it was poetry, he thought-
where their eyes met,
coalesced to one fluid thought
lingering on the
lone cosmos of the tree hill
how a pen, an open heart,
tore a chasm through reality's
stand-still echoes
to the necropolis that was her past;
the ghosts that garrisoned her mind.
His whole being pressed into her soul-
like a prism, dispersing shadows from
a spectrum of truths
but yesterday,
yesterday
he trailed a bold finger
across an obstinate impassion,
forgetting she still feared love
forgetting the scar
beneath the void was still raw:
and she ran
Author notes
Challenging the
advent of
Nihilism
In a list
A contest entry
- Running On Empty by Touchof1der.
600 points, ended August 27, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I exist therefore I am?
I think we should annhialate all the Nihilists, to total dark.
Then they can ask themselves the same question?
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This is stunning for me - complex imagery, yet somehow simple and direct - I love the poem for personal reasons, the scar beneath the viod still being raw.
Your voice is sure, the tone of this poem very engaging. Wonderful.
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I love absorbing your words and letting the creative imagery fly... Glad to see you haven't lost your touch!!! It's that time of year when my envy of your balmy location tends to creep into my thoughts. Hope you are enjoying every minute of it too!!!
cia
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This is brilliantly penned. Best of luck to you in the contest. I appreciate your taking the time and making the effort to enter. I hope it proved to be an enjoyable experience and challenge for you.
♥ Touchof1der -
You have a nice style. The poem is clever and the last two stanzas, very genuine and creative.
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Clever, clever
.
You already know.
~Meg
`
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I liked the complex metaphors you used in this. My favorite image was that of the fourth stanza...brilliant! The ending was fabulous as well. Not quite sure why you capitalized "Neon" in the third line, but the whole thing spoke to me for some reason.
~woof
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This absolutely stunning. Have you even met this dear girl? What gorgeous imagery and immensely deep forethought. The is an intensity about this that really grasps the reader. It sounds as if this person's poetry (and/or personality) left quite an impression on you. Well writ.
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An excellent write - as always.
As for me, I always run.
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Oh the imagery!!! This is just superb... The presence of thought is intense, and truly thought provoking.
"His lips were practiced to a crude alchemy;
blending the tin foil tilt of his voice
to the Neon ire that sloped
down her hardened breath."
.. what an opening here, truly powerful ..
"but yesterday,
yesterday
he trailed a bold finger
across an obstinate impassion,
forgetting she still feared love
forgetting the scar
beneath the void was still raw:
and she ran"
.. this is so very beautiful, the phrasing - and the sadness that exudes from within, loved these lines especially ..
Excellent write!!!
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Beautiful.
^ I am glad you reminded me to check for new writes from you - as I was tuned into the Olympics today and was watching Men's Sprint, and it wasn't the Jamaican winner that reminded me of you, but the spirit and life within the smile and exhaustion, if that makes sense.
If not, just know that like most of your writes, this one also blew me away.
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I echo the thoughts already shared on your page. Perhaps there/their? Especially liked " the ghosts that garrisoned her mind" A poetic feast for thought, philophobia and all. All the more impressive as you have been feeling poorly!
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Excellent! And so sad... amazing use of abstract imagery to convey the strength of the emotions.
"His whole being pressed into her soul-
like a prism, dispersing shadows from
a spectrum of truths" I thought that was incredible.
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I so envy your vocabulary lol. You are able to use scholarly diction without it sounding pretentious!
. I've read some poems that were, essentially, so chalk full of jargon, I couldn't make heads nor tails of it despite my college education 
. I can't even find anything to critique! lol The one question I had was why is "Neon" capitalized.
Basically this poem slayed me lol. Especially stanza 3 & 5.
I think I understand what your AN means, (or maybe not lol); I have to challenge that sometimes too, or else I'll become horribly cynical if I think it's not possible.
Ok, this was good. I can't believe you don't thinks so! 'Tis VERY good.
-joan.
.
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I made a bad choice - this needs a good, long read, and I only have a couple of minutes. I'll be back; but first impression is... well... see below.
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