I'm not the same person I used to be
I don't know anyone
But they know me
I don't want to eat
Because when I do
I feel so incomplete
I just want to stay in a corner and cry
Why why why why why
Why does my brain desieve me this way
Make my world seem dull and gray
How did this happen
And why to me
I'm on the verge of insanity
Author notes
I think I could have had more but uh when I wrote it I had a bit of a mind block and well still can't overcome that.
Is that ok???
Comments
-
It's a little different. I think the rhythm is off, but it's ok. I like it. I can kinda relate. The rhyme scheme is consistent so that's good. I really like the first stanza. It's really good and totally relateable. The fact that you lose yourself, but people don't see it. They just move on. It's so confusing and you just want to break down. The more I think about it, the more I realize this poem is really deep, especially that first stanza
-
-
yea the rhythm was a bit off
-
-
This is a cool poem. I liked it.
So in the 3rd paragraph you spelled "deceive" wrong. Also it could use a few periods, commas. Otherwise it was a really good poem.
-
Excellent
Oh I have been there and could so relate to your poem here. You did an excellent job of describing being on the verge of insanity or already being there.
I just want to stay in a corner and cry
Why why why why why
Why does my brain decieve me this way
Make my world seem dull and gray
This is how I feel so much of the time since I lost my son. Why why why why why!!! Thank you for sharing with me the imagery and emotions are very strong and so true.
Many Blessings
Kelle Marie
Adding your comment:
