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Canvas Love

I left my clumsy first impressions

on your cherry blossom lips

Closed eyes and cotton-candy bliss                                  

to send us upwards                                                 

                                                                                     


Our eyes

        sent secret messages 

        & delivered butterfly kisses
        Always open for each other

 

  

We left the crazy children castles:

of slides and spinning roundabouts

stealing time for sharing lips 

handinhand, handinheart 



And our hands

        pressed patterns onto sensitive skin                                          

        & held performances for touch 

        strutting fingers jaywalking

 

 

You left your sweet, subtle expressions

of vanilla fragrance in my bed

Soft smells of pretty girls

Remembering love

 

 

Our minds

        succumbed to senses

        Dreamily saving feelings

        only storing space for her

 

 

But now our eyes seem closed

Our hands seem clenched and seperate

and our minds are rising from the slumber   

Because

 

 

I left.

 

 

I left you and your sensual words:           

 

your lasso-pulling whispers,

 

always pulling harder

 

"I love you"
       
 

Author notes

EXPLANATION
This poem is about my first ever relationship, and how it's significant to my life. I've tried to accentuate the "sssss" sound (I hope I got it right), to create the softness and sensitivity of the situation.

Stanza 1
The opening of this poem discusses my first, ever, kiss. "first impressions" refers to the phyiscal action of the first kiss, as to impress something or leave an imprint on something. It also refers to the first impression the kiss might of made, as the kiss was clumsy. Cotton-candy bliss is probably the best way I could describe that 1st kiss in words. "Upwards" refers to the feeling of euphoria associated with kissing. Almost like a high.

Stanza 2
Ok. You know when you look at your lover/spouse/bf/gf? You know when your sight collides? And you don't have to say a word to know what the other person is thinking? Well there you have stanza 2 in a nutshell.

Stanza 3
I've always had memories of going to climb the ladders and swing the swings with her. They were beautiful times...

Stanza 4
The hands "perform" at the opportunity to touch. The reference to hands "Jay-Walking" has sexual connotations but also creates the idea of people walking with their fingers, which is what we often did for fun

Stanza 5
We made out alot on my bed. Good times. She always wore this vinilla smell called "expressions" I think... I can still smell it in my dreams.

Stanza 6
This is when you stop thinking properly. You lose all sense of logic and reason. It's when your relationship becomes more important than all that.

Stanza 7
Ok this is the "Stanza of Change". I'm trying to draw the reader into reality again. I use all the previous symbols in previous stanzas.

Stanza 8
"I love you" never leaves you. It drags you back, every time. Like a baboon and a pumpkin trap. The baboon always sticks his hand in, even though he knows hes gonna get caught.

Conclusion:
I tried to attach every stanza to eachother, either via the last line or something else. I hope it worked.

A contest entry

Well? Be honest with your thoughts...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29
  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your very profound entry,and I can relate to your explanations well, love always call you back, but unfortunately it hurts when it does, I have been called back over and over, to be yet again pushed aside, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • SomeGirlYouKnew
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good...

    i wish it had a happier ending in real life though.
    but i guess there are never really any endings. there are just changes.


    • Ditt0
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Lawl... Strangely enough... We are back together... Hahaha... So in real life it is happy! Yay...


  • misshugglebugglez
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! that is one of the best poems on this site!!! you got me wanting to read it ever since the line, "closed eyes and cotton candy bliss" woah, this poem was amazing! it was just too good! i absolutely LOVED IT, nice work! =)
    hugglez!
    -pb fudge

    • Ditt0
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow... I just wanna say... Thanx... That was sooooo flattering... I worked so hard on this piece, and its good to know its been appreciated thank you...


  • fantasysmurf
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Greatest Read

    You acheived an excellent write. I appreciated the poem's sensitivity and softness from the first word, right through to the last. Well done


  • movedon
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.

    You captured a first loving relationship so beautifully in to words that my words will do not nearly enough justice. So wonderfully written first of all! You never forget the first kiss, first touch, first anything. Lovely job with this, and congrats on the trophies, they were very well deserved. You should be proud of this!

    ing alone,
    Mylee


  • Swan song gold member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Do you know there are some poems i read and love a lot
    and I smile.

    Then there are some poems I read and read again and think about

    guess what this is number two lol thank you for
    entering


  • ModernXTimes
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh...my...god.
    That was AMAZING! Professional poets couldn't have written a better love poem. That was absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. It was so real and true and lyrical and just...I'm speechless. haha. Great great great job. You deserved the gold!

    sincerely,
    modernxtimes

    PS: I only give three applauses to the poems that deserve it!


  • rin-macabre
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i could not breath the entire time it blew me away entirely love. i dont know what to say it is wonderful.


  • BellaD
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great poem!

    I love it. Great imagery. Very original phrases. A truly enjoyable read.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww wow...this really deserved gold, its amazing.lol.
    kinda sad, but wel i hope you are okays
    Stephanie ♥


  • NyxianaSpades
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    really beautiful... I'm completely captivated by your writing style and the fascination that seems to be behind your work


  • unavailable
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, I think you lasso'd me and pulled me around wherever you wanted.


  • Ms. Black Eyeliner
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great job

    sorry my computer broke it into two comments

  • Ms. Black Eyeliner
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I left my clumsy first impressions

    on your cherry blossom lips " awww i can tell im gonna like this poem already--dang i wish my first kiss was this good lol mine was on his bed and he missed lol but good job

    "handinhand, handinheart " sooo cute im so jealous lol jk

    "And our hands

    pressed patterns onto sensitive skin

    & held performances for touch

    strutting fingers jaywalking" i love the kinda lazy dreamy feel like i could do this forever


  • The Demon Lord
    August 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    It's emotional. It's ...beautiful...

    It is a great poem, you have high expectations following this poem. You can do it... 10/10


  • sora.
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    =(

    ohhhhh the ending changed!
    *shatterrrr*
    you hear that?
    the new one just broke my heart.
    ='[
    you need more applause, damn it.
    =]


    • Ditt0
      August 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      =)

      Thanx again...
      Well Im sure their some Aussie boy there to glue the pieces back!
      Anyways... Thanx again


  • Yo-Yo
    August 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    it was beautiful good luck in the contest!!

  • Woodstock
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If never had I felt love, this poem would have crushed me with all that I'd missed. It was perfectly sensational in the way I would hope a love poem to be, and it improved my day significantly. Bravo.


  • EternalFyre
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    I am dancing around people's pages that are on my sisters pages and found a rather talented poet. Sensual it was indeed gave me shivers which is a hard thing to do, I commend you on this and hope to enjoy reading more.


  • Redeemed15
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good poem Bro. Very descriptive and poetic. I am being honest!! sry, had to talk to the computer for a moment! Loved it. Good luck in the contest! Hope you get gold!!!!


  • Nephlim
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't even notice the 'sss' sound, but when I read in your author comments, I see it in the poem. And I think that's a really good thing, so have such a subtle element that keeps the flow of the poem so smooth. A lot of meaning to the poem, my favorite part was the 'fingers jaywalking' bit . A lot of interesting word combinations in this poem .

    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly

  • sora.
    August 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    =D

    well im glad your first kiss was all cotton-candy bliss! mine was more like "hi ther.." *is suddendly choking on tongue of near-stranger* o_0
    not that you wanted to know that. XD
    anyway...
    this was sooo yummyyyyy!
    light and sweet with a hint of deeper sensuality...
    i find myself refreshed whilst plagued with more carnal cravings...
    =P

    • Ditt0
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Lol... Thanx for that tongue story (*disturbing pictures in my mind*)
      Lol I've had the biggest stuff up with the poem! MY ending I concieved will have to change...
      It seems that after 1 night of inebriation I might have changed the course of our relationship... Shit.

      Thanx for the comment and Ill try and get some of my buddies to join!


  • stephilou
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I think

    that you, sir, are amazing! Seriously...this is fantastic!! Wonderful wonderful start!


    • Ditt0
      August 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      wowo...
      Thanx... You know? why are you so nice to me? Really?


  • oktiggerknowsbest
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    WOW is really all I can say. I can tell that this is a work in progress. I love the start that you have so far. Just build on what you felt and are feeling. Let that be your guide. This poem has real potential, especially with what you have written in your author's notes.

    Best of luck!!!!

1 - 29 of 29