And again I woke up today
The silence becoming oh so familiar
I wanted to call you today
But I knew you would'nt answer
I visited you today
We sat amongst the greenest pasture
Suprisingly you just sat and listened
And again my heart was captured
Do you hear me?
Do you wonder how I am?
Can you feel the pain I go through?
Would you try to understand?
My anger penetrates the most peculiar of thoughts
Should I feel sorry? or afraid?
Why am I the one crawling through the darkness alone?
Why can I not be saved..
Can you answer me some questions
There's some things i want to know
I will try to keep it simple
I will not let all my pain show
Why did you treat me like a bastard
Like an unfamiliar voice
When you told me I was worthless
Was it worth that awful choice
When you stayed so removed
Did you think we'd be ok
Did you hope that we'd forgive you
Did you think we'd be passe
Why did you make me wonder
If I was worthless or no good
There is no way on this earth
You said the things a parent should
When they buried my little sister
Why did I have to cry alone
When you told me she knew I hated her
Did that lie make you atone
Even though you treated me horribly
My choices are so rueful
Long Ago I lost my sister
You treated the two of us as dutiful
I wanted to send this letter
But the both of you are dead
So mom I guess ill keep this
In the letter never read
Author notes
My sister died in 2002, My mother died febuary of this year. I never got to talk to her about any of this because She made it impossible to have a relationship with her. I know this isnt very big worded but the contest inspired me to write this so thank you and i just thought i would throw it in here
A contest entry
- The letter that never arrived. by withoutlove13.
450 points, ended August 27, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You never know.... by Cyanide Dreams.
1640 points, ended May 12, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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83
Title: 9/10
Originality: 9/10
Emotion: 10/10
Grammar/Spelling: 7/10
Flow/Structure: 7/10
Imagery: 8/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 7/10
Reaction: 8/10
Rules: 10/10
Overall: 8/10
Totaling: 83/100
In the beginning, I felt that this was weak and the emotions weren't so good. I felt that this could really use more poetic devices, metaphor, imagery, etc. When it got into it about how it was your siter though, that really struck me hard. I was in awe. How you wrote something so heartfelt without a tremor of flow. If something like this happened to me, I think that I would lose my train of thought crying or something. Great job on this and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Thank you. I love it. I felt every word. Good luck x
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very emotional...the rhyme seemed a bit forced at times ,but it had a good flow generally ,.....nonethe less you did a good job in expressing your feelings,,its hard to have things to say to someone and never get the chance to say it....
night write ....keep it up !!!!!! -
Such raw emotion. Very painful to read and very powerful words. It makes me want to give that unread letter to my mother before it can be answered. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful yet painful write
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This is so raw, intense and
heartbreaking.
The ache of finality
struck a melancholy chord on my heart.
Thank you for sharing this
amazing write.
~Pastel -
Powerfully written. It is an emotional write and I like it BRAVO!! There isn't always a happy ending at the end of a story. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Keep Writing.
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this poem is simply amazing
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you love them, and all this poem told of that love
you were great brother and great son......i can feel this, really!
it makes me cry in the end, still tears in my eyes, thnx for sharing this..... -
WOW!!! i dont know what else to say. The emotion is just incredible. So touching. I am so sorry you have been through so much hard ship. The frustration of so many unanswered questions comes across very strong. I can relate to that. The doubt that you have of fact and fiction about your self is also portrayed and shown so well. I am very impressed. Well done for the bronze trophy too....well deserved
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Pretty color scheme!
~*~*~*Awesome*~*~*~
Great write! I found it really enjoyable! Thanks so much for the share! You are very talented! I really cannot wait to read more of your works and comment on them as well!!!!
I'd love to hear back from you, so feel free to take a look at my work and comment on it!!!!
Thanks again!
~*~*~*Heroesrox~*~*~*~
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Moving, especially as it was true. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your poem conveys your sentiments coherently and eloquently.
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this is great, it's very well worded complex. very moving. great work!
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oh my goodness this was powerful and so sad, the imagery in this is just amazing, i can actually feel the pain as i read it, you have crafted something here, and although it is terribly sad it's still beautiful
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Powerful, and painful.
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powerful
I'm sorry. It must be difficult to lose two people so close to you. I can feel the anger you have toward your mom and I'm sure that makes her loss even harder.
This is very well written
and touching
you've definately got something......Erin -
so powerful and intense
i really love this
im touched
its absolutely perfect the way it is
i teared up
thanku so much for sharin
addie
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Excellent
Wow, very good. It makes me really appreciate the relationship I have with my mom. I have been moved. I was instantly saddened after reading this, you did a wonderful job with alliteration. I wouldn't change a thing! Bravo!!
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Very upsetting.....Ah that almost brought another tear to my eye....keep going.
Have faith.
*Hugs*
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Wow! This poem is heart wrenching and so very sad. I am so sorry this was your experience. Far too many grow up abused, neglected, and feeling unloved and worthless. It is a shame that you never got to resolve anything with your Mother. Those were very hurtful words said to you about your sister. That is something I cannot comprehend saying or doing to my child. I am sorry you were treated that way. I will say though that writing can be so healing, and even though you can't give it to her, it still is a release and acknowledgement of your pain and your feelings. Great job! Blessings, Patty
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lovely piece sorry to hear about all the stuff you went through. hope you feel better. thanks for entering
xx -
wow this was very powerful, thank you for entering, and thank you for being so personal =]
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