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Grow Up

Stupid boy
The world is waiting.
I'm so proud you're not hesitating.

Stupid boy
Worrying about me;
I'll be alone once he gets free.

Stupid boy
I'll be alright.
It's high time you start your life.

Stupid boy
I can't be there
To take care of you, so you take care.

Stupid boy
If you're attacked,
You're family's there. They've got your back.



Stupid man
I'll still be here
When you come back to me next year.

Author notes

My boyfriend just went to college. I know, it's a stupid cliche, but it's important to me, so keep it to yourself. The poem is for him and a little for his mom, too.
I know the repition is a little annoying, but it's kind of important to the rhythm, structure, and that little ending twist.

A contest entry

Was it too cliched to be any good?

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Diggs McGee
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    no, it was good. I do repetitive things like that in some of my poems... and, true, people don't get them sometimes... but whatever. I'm not FORCING them to read it, right.

    nice job.


    • Kikai Ni
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Right. You're very wise, in an old soul of a teenager kind of way.
      Thank you for relating.

  • Disturbed Prodigy
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol, i think this was something golden, that is what i think you did a great job on this, keep it flowing did you let him see it?

    • Kikai Ni
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      If you said it is a great job, I know it is truth. I am so grateful to hear from you; I expected to have lost your attention. This is truly encouraging. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
      And yes, I did let him see it.

  • Demington
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Most times cliche should not be used. Sometimes it it permissible.

    And sometimes you have to say "to hell with caring about cliches!" and just write what you will write.

    I do so like this one. Its nice to read your writing again. The driving emotions behind your words are as ever, strong.

    Blessings,

    C


    • Kikai Ni
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol Demington, you are just as encouraging and uplifting as ever. Thank you.

  • Hells-Archangel
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow I absolutely love this its been a long time since you have posted. this was great keep up the good work sis. I love you <3


    • Kikai Ni
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I've been a little numb - waiting for inspiration, I guess. I'm glad you were so quick to encourage me. I love you, niisan!

  • Radiance
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Repetitious pieces are things that I prefer to write; they help with the form and keep the subject on track.

    This is pretty powerful. I've never had a boyfriend, but I can definitely imagine what it's like to separated from people that you care about. This piece rings of self-sacrifice.

    And no, it wasn't too clichéd.

    Thank you for sharing.


    • Kikai Ni
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I find myself using more repitition, for the same reasons you listed. It makes the conclusion that more powerful, and that's my favorite part.
      Thank you for being part of my sharing ^.^
1 - 10 of 10