Timeless
My love for you
forever will be true
Never will seek a new venue
I do.
In a list
A contest entry
- Final Option - Finalist - Open to all by Florida Sunshine.
1150 points, ended September 7, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
My official review of your poem in the contest. Because this is a 'final' contest, I am feel I should be as strict as I can be in looking over every aspect of the poetry presented. I have never claimed to be an expert in any of the categories, however I have been learning a great deal over the last few months. Not only did I want to challenge you [the poet] but myself as a judge.
Below I've made the ruling/score in regards to the points. If you disagree with any of my reasoning please 'reply' to the comment made – with “Challenge” and explain where you feel my assessment is wrong, if I agree with your argument I will change the score. I'm never to proud to admit when I'm wrong. If I feel I am still correct I will bring in a 2nd judge to make the final decision to a change. This final judge will be through my grammar group.
Your Scores:
Finalist -- 0/10 points - Thank you for joining the final round, though it will be a bit tougher for you starting in this position, I admire the fact your giving it a whorl.
Use of Prompt - 20/25 Points – Timeless – I do see how love is timeless.
Poetic Form – 20/20 points – This is regards to the actual structure of the poem. This poem is a 'cinquain.' I've written quite a few poems with this form. In its simplest dictionary definition, a cinquain is a poem of five lines. Crapsey’s cinquain was more specific, a poem of five lines with a specific syllable count of 2-4-6-8-2, usually iambic. You've accomplish this very well.
Use of Grammar - 8/10 Points – -1 point because the last two words are clearly in reflection of what is said at the wedding ceremony, since that is the case the words are said [/or heard], and should had been put in quotation marks. “I do.” -1 because of sentence structure. I do realize many folks starts the lines with caps. However, that is not the case because the third line did not begin with a cap. I would had considered the caps as indication of the sentence for poetic style but you ended the last line with a period.
Spelling - 10/10 points - Perfect
Overall Presentation 20/25 points – The background and fonts are beautifully presented. Sometimes the simplicity of a poem is strong enough to paint its own image. Considering this was a final round I would I would had enjoyed seeing multiple stanzas of the form. Perhaps, since the poem is about love, and obviously the beginning of love through marriage, with the final words “I do.” It would had been beautiful to see you carry this through a lifetime, thus making the love timeless.
Your total score is 78
I do appreciate your participation. It was a welcome pleasure to read and review your work. I think you did a terrific job!
Best of luck to you,
Florida Sunshine
Adding your comment:
