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A Dark Walk

         
       she walks, huddled,

       down dusty streets
       while wind tugs at her hair
       and trash assaults her senses

       she trips on cracks in the sidewalk

       and stares at the night sky

       showered with diamonds

       but tonight,

       it’s hard to see the beauty

       for the pain


Author notes

Option One:
Windswept by Deviantart.com/insomnia40977

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Lost Luggage
    September 2, 2008

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    Very nice

    I didn't look at the contest, but I would have liked this to have carried on three times as long. It is succinct in its brevity, but being a selfish creature I'd like to savor it longer!


  • Lyndon gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    You have caught

    the trashing of a woman's life in a way that does not seem to happen to men in these circumstances. The poem is significant for what is not said. Way to go! Very good work! Lyndon.


  • faderman1959
    August 20, 2008

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    Her pains shows in her eyes but in your poem even more! Even though she may be chilled her pain burns ever more. Great write lady!


  • Balldinger silver member
    August 20, 2008

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    a lighter crawl...

    somewhere, on a solitary barstool outside a column shafted night square, I see who you’re writing about and as enamored with the line, …and trash assaults here senses…, as I am, I must confess that diamond skies do a blazing game on my less systematic maneuverability and common denomination. wonderfully written, Ms. 1der. I look under when you write above. ~ EZB


  • suseann
    August 20, 2008

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    A sense of defeated overwealmed tragic bites the soul in reverberated personal memories here.Exacting voice of descriptions penned in honesty by a compassionate hearted author.Perfection in fit to image prompt."By George,I do believe she got it."

  • Broken-Bones
    August 20, 2008

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    I loved this, I felt you used the prompt really we. You took the pictures sadness and added a lot of emotion and a bit of a stroy. The scene you describe is easy to imagine and I loved your description and the use of the senses. I thought you ending was really powerful because it really sums up for pain can sometimes take over us. This was a great piece, wonderful work. x


  • Midnight Lace
    August 20, 2008
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    This just touched me so deeply that I had to read it several times. It has me wishing I was the one who penned it. It fits me. I am going to bookmark this so I can return it. I just find this really impressive and it has moved me greatly. You have great talent. Good luck to you in the contest as well as in future postings.
    ~Midnight Lace~


  • TXCowgirl
    August 20, 2008

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    I could see the scene play out perfectly before my very eyes. It almost felt as if I were sitting safely within the confines of a coffee shop somewhere, watching this poor soul pass by. Awesome writing! Good luck in the contest.
    TXCowgirl


  • TheRealDeal
    August 20, 2008
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    There is some vert potent imagery flowing down the page here. This leaves quite an impression on the mind. I also like the fact that you didn't get too detailed by disclosing why the protagonist is feeling such pain. It allows the reader to fill in the blanks however they choose. Excellent work here! Best of luck to you in the contest.
    ~JLG

1 - 9 of 9